Pissed and Put-Out

I just had a friend call me at 10pm asking to crash at my place. It seems she was caught in between moving in and out of an apartment. She was going to stay with her sister but her sister cancelled….

Ok I’m really pissed about this and just had a convo with another friend who doesn’t know her. It sums things up pretty well so you’ll have to suffer with a pasted convo:

Friend says:
Hey. How was your day yesterday?
Ginger says:
it was ok
im kind of pissed right now though
a friend just asked to crash at my place
she didn’t have anywhere else to go tonight, so i said yes
F says:
Damn, that sucks
G says:
i told her to get here before 11pm so i could settle her in
and i went and pulled out all the freaking stuff in the guest room, made her bed, etc
and she’s at a club downtown right now.
it was 1030 by this point after i’ve been cleaning very quietly
F says:
G says:
and i txt her asking her to be here soon
and she fuckin’ txts me back saying she can’t leave right now
her party is more important than a place to stay tonight!?!?!?
so she basically says she won’t be coming anymore
so pissed. i am so put out right now. i went to all that trouble at the last minute for her
and now she’s not even coming. what am i, a hotel?
i really don’t mind helping people out, but fucking follow through, eh?
F says:
I don’t blame you one bit
G says:
i just can’t believe she would ask me a big favour like that and then make me go to the trouble, then not even come!
F says:
So beat her with a nerf bat when you see her next
G says:
seriously, i don’t mind helping but i HATE being taken advantage of
F says:
That’s because you’re so awesome. So when you’re put out like this, you get super pissed
G says:
yeah no kidding.
i used to be such a doormat. i believe in helping others, but sometimes it makes it worse for me
now she’s changed her mind and has said she’ll come and is offering to make me breakfast
i’m not even here for breakfast
*big sigh*
i don’t know what to do

Still upset. She keeps waffling back and forth about coming, and it seems to me her glass of wine is more important than her friend that just went the extra mile for her benefit. I’m not letting her come over now.

What I really want to do later is call her and yell at her a little. Tell her that I feel really taken advantage of by her and that she needs to shape up or ship out. I like her and don’t mind helping her, but there has to be some gratitude and respect in there somewhere, and I ain’t feelin’ it.

Am I being unreasonable? Flame away, my friends, flame away.

6 thoughts on “Pissed and Put-Out”

  1. She should respect what you're doing for her and respect what time you are going to bed (and some time for a wee visit/tea,etc).

    I'd probably end the convo by saying (all with a smile on my face)..Okay, well, I go to bed at midnight, etc. If you can be here by then great, but if not I guess you'll have to stay someplace else.

    Maybe that's just me though as I'm tired of being the doormat now. :)

  2. I'd be pissed too!!! You went through all that trouble, not to mention you opened your home to her…and she ditches you? I don't like confrontation but I'd find it difficult NOT to say something, even politely.

    Like, hello, I structured my night around you, when you went AWOL I was pretty offended!

  3. You should just tell her simply, that either she commits to staying there or not, because you spent all night cleaning (a guilt trip may help) and you were waiting for her and felt a bit put out by the fact that she was partying instead of wanting a place to crash.

    no breakfast is worth that.

  4. What ended up happening? Did she show up? That's super rude on her part…rude to ask in the first place, and then to not follow through. Uncool.

  5. Well, after I chewed her out a little bit over txt she decided that maybe she would come…

    Then I told her it was already 11 and could she make it by 11:30?

    She said no, because she was all the way downtown.

    You know what though? That late at night it only takes 30 mins or less to get to my place from where she was. So I just didn't dignify her with a response.

    I went to bed angry and still haven't put the guest bed away and stuff.

    At least my apt. is tidier now. :S

    I just don't know what to do about this girl, though. Where do I go from here?

  6. Not at all unreasonable. of course, I'm the kind of person who puts myself out to help others and so this kind of thing (not to this extent!) happens a lot to me. People cancel and you're left wondering a) why you're not any kind of priority, apparently and b) why they think they can act that way.

    I've gotten better at limits thanks to a lot of work, but even so, I don't think I could have said no to a friend who was between places.

    Also curious why in the hell her own sister decided she could just leave her in a lurch like that.

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