By the way, I think giving this girl a gift if you've decided to let the friendship go is maybe a little pointless, even if it is a nice gesture. But giving it to your grandparents is lovely!

If I give it to her it would be with no strings attached since I know for a fact I won't get anything back (she's just not in a position to give gifts out to anyone). It's just whether I actually want to go through with it since I've decided to let the friendship go.

After getting some feedback and thinking about it some more, I think I may give the gift to my grandparents instead. They love homemade goodies but can't make them anymore and I know they would love to get the basket and would really appreciate it. And it would make me feel good because (obviously) I love my grandparents.

(In our family the grandkids traditionally don't give anything to the older members of the family which is why I did not already have something for them)

When it comes right down to it, you have to ask yourself, "Do I want to give a gift?" for the basic emotion of wanting to give. Not because of what she might think or what others might think or what it might mean. Try not to overthink it.

Honestly it sounds to me like you expect the gift to act as a guilt trip for her, so that she will contact you and put some effort into your friendship. And you also don't really expect that it will work, so you want to withhold the gift in order to protect your heart from rejection. While that's understandable, that's not really a gift. It's turning your friendship into a hurtful game and the gift would just be a tactic to get something in return. Unless you can truly give it as a gift without any ill feelings or hidden motives, I say keep it for yourself and don't start playing this game. Maybe just let the friendship die a natural death if she doesn't put in any effort herself.

I don't know if we would have been friends in different circumstances, especially since now I'm realizing how much some of her traits grate on me. We had some good times, but I was always the one taking her out, bringing her food, listening to her tell me about her hardships… I'm a bleeding heart and felt bad for her so I wanted to help.

I feel somehow obligated to give her this gift, though when I analyze it all, I shouldn't feel obligated or guilty. The main reason is because she helped me do all of that canning for the fruits in the summer, which was work. But then again, I did SO MUCH for her and her husband for months before that it should "even the score" if you know what I mean. They literally had NO money, even for food for some weeks, and I would cook them food and bring it over, or order a pizza for them, all while trying to preserve their dignity. I didn't want them to know I thought of them as charity, only that I wanted to give them these things. In reality I couldn't really afford it at all.

Aside from helping me can, she really hasn't reciprocated anything to me in the relationship whether material or emotional. She's a very selfish individual but it's only because of the way her life has been so far so I forgive her for that.

To Single Ma's point below, I think I may just let the relationship die a natural death. It's too much work and is emotionally exhausting to deal with her all the time. It doesn't feel like a mutual friendship.

I think I'll hang on to the basket for now and see how I feel in a few days, or if I can find someone else I would like to give it to. Who knows, I may change my mind and give it to my friend in this post anyway. I just need to sort out my feelings on it all…

Nothing has changed about your relationship between when you made the baskets and now. It sounds like you're just mad because you weren't invited to the other parties. Rational feeling of rejection because you're human, but not enough to withhold a gift intended for a FRIEND.

Either she's your friend or she isn't. Either you care about her or you don't. You've already put in a lot of time and effort to make the basket, so give it to someone you care about with an open heart and don't expect anything in return. If it is a mutual loved one (key word is mutual), the gesture will be returned in one way or another over time.

If you want to sever the relationship with her because it feels one sided, then do so. However, her past shouldn't have anything to do with it. REAL friends love and cherish their friends for who they are. Fair-weather friends are seasonal and aren't usually recipients of valuable gifts (i.e. anything that requires a significant amount of time, effort, or money). Only you can decide which one she is to you.