Coming Soon: A New Me

Update: You can find all weight loss/Slimband-related posts under the Weight Loss category or by clicking here.

Have you ever wondered what you would look like if you made some kind of big change to your body? Maybe breast implants, rhinoplasty or liposuction? Got rid of your acne, changed your hair colour or had your teeth straightened?

In the coming year I’ll be completing the final step in my journey of self-improvement and I’ll finally know what “the ultimate me” will look like.

For the past 10 years or so, I have been undergoing some changes, both physical and mental. I was a real ugly duckling and filled with self-hate. Through the process of fixing my outside, I have been repairing my insides, as well. Hopefully by the end of it I will look like the beautiful swan I feel like inside.

There are several major (to me) items on my “list” to make improvements to, which I have touched on in previous posts (click here )  and I think it’s time to update them.

Ten years ago, I was:

  • Snaggle-toothed
  • had terrible hair
  • a sloppy dresser
  • had awful skin
  • bespectacled
  • had a whiny voice
  • FAT

Being afflicted in those ways cost me a great deal in terms of self esteem, and probably in other ways I haven’t even discovered yet.

I wasn’t happy. So I did something about it.

  • I had braces & orthodontic work. Now I’ve got a killer smile
  • I grew out my hair & learned basic hair care techniques and styles. My hair is one of my best features now
  • I learned about fashion, style and makeup application. People come to me for tips and advice and I model for photographers
  • I took Accutane and finally cleared my skin up to an acceptable level
  • I had laser eye surgery twice to get rid of the glasses. I’m now 20/20
  • I took voice lessons, sang in choirs & recorded CD’s, giving me a smoother and more evenly pitched voice. Apparently people like to listen to me speak now

And Now

I’m finally tackling the last item on my list. The fat.

How?

Weight loss surgery.

Yup, I said it. I’ve come to terms with my fatness and feel like I’m finally ready for a permanent lifestyle change. Diets don’t work (we all know this) and I’ve just got too much fat to lose to spend all my time counting calories.

I’ve done a TON of research and have decided to get the Slimband procedure done over Christmas. It’s not a miracle solution, but it will be an incredibly valuable tool for me to have.

The band will be wrapped around the top of my stomach, making me feel full a lot faster. This will help me eat less and eventually become satisfied with eating less. In addition, there is a 4-year period of support from the clinic, I’ll be working with professionals to help me deal with my emotional issues surrounding food, learn about proper nutrition and fitness, and basically learn how to eat again, the right way this time.

I chose this form of surgery because it is less invasive, more gradual, adjustable, reversible and I can still keep my band and have a healthy pregnancy in the future. My mom had a gastric bypass years ago and not only is she unable to support a pregnancy, but she also can’t absorb nutrients properly, will be on supplements her whole life and had her stomach butchered. Oh, did I mention she gained back all the weight she lost just a few years later? I don’t want any of that.

You’re Giving Up!

Some of you may think that I’m giving up, taking the easy way out, whatever. But 1. I don’t care what you think, and 2. This isn’t the easy way out. This is my choice after numerous diets and exercise regimes since I was a child. What kind of life is that to live?

This will be difficult, I have to learn a whole new way of approaching food. My body is going to undergo some drastic changes. In a year I’ll be losing around 100lbs. I’ve never been thin before, so I don’t know how I’m going to react to my dropping dress size. So many things are going to change in my life.

For the better, I hope.

A Fat-Free Life

In my ideal fat-free world, more people will smile at me instead of frown as I walk by. I’ll be able to buy the clothes and shoes that I really want, and not be stranded when my bag is lost on a flight. People won’t make fun of me, make snide comments under their breath or even out loud about the way I look. I’ll be able to fit on all the rides in Wonderland! I will be judged less harshly.

Most importantly, I’ll be doing a great service to my mental and physical health. I will be reducing my risk for diabetes, high blood pressure, arthritis and heart disease. My knees won’t hurt as much and I’ll be able to run and swim and fight like I have always wanted to. Being lighter and healthier will help my state of mind, help heal my depression and wounded soul and attract more people to me.

It has taken me a long time and a lot of soul-searching to come to this point. Taking part in fat-friendly communities and blogs has been a real help, and it feels weird to know that in a few years I won’t even qualify to take part in these sites anymore. They were key to helping me accept myself as I was, learning to love myself and be proud of who I am.

I think loving myself more was needed before I could make a life-altering change like this and have it stick.

I wasn’t ready before, but I’m ready now.

9 thoughts on “Coming Soon: A New Me”

  1. I'm not going to judge because I've thought about choosing this route myself. In the end, I decided it wasn't for me. I hope this choice will make you feel better about yourself but do know that you do rock regardless. :)

    Out of curiousity though… How much will it cost & how will you pay for this? (If you don't mind telling.) Cause I hear it can be pretty pricey unless it's recommended by a doctor (and that's only if you're in a very high BMI bracket).

  2. I think you are gorgeous regardless, but if this is what you want to do to feel better about yourself, I say go for it. Self improvement is a good thing. Loves you!!!

  3. Thanks for chatting about cost, etc.
    I have never seriously considered this myself, and I do know people with horrific gastric bypass issues (yes, even a death)…so I am glad you are going this route instead, and I'm sure you've weighed all the potential medical complications with this as well.

    I'm with AP, I hope it makes you feel better about yourself but regardless, you are a pretty terrific (and gorgeous) woman!!

  4. I was wondering what caused your mom to gain back the weight? It seems very difficult to do that after gastric bypass…

    This seems like a much safer alternative, and I don't think it's cheating at all. I think it's great that you have made all these changes, but I am also sure that you are already fabulous based on the blog. :-)

  5. Oh yes, you guys are all so sweet for the compliments! Thanks so much! I hope I look awesome when I'm a bit thinner, too :)

  6. Honestly, I'm surprised. You've always seemed so confident, regardless of your weight. Plus, your clothes are fabulous (I've often been jealous). BUT! If your body fat is keeping you down, emotionally and mentally if not just physically, then I'm behind your choices. I think that attending the support groups and therapy after the surgery is going to be the best aspect of the change, though. Not that you can "think yourself thin" or any of that bullshit, but the internal work is of prime importance.

    Let me know if you need or want anything. I'll be gone from the 22nd to 28th, but if you want to give me a call or drop me an email outside of that time, you know how to get in touch. <3

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