PHEW.

As of yesterday, my roommate is totally paid up in terms of rent.

I feel SO MUCH BETTER.

It’s just a band-aid solution right now since she still doesn’t have a decent job to pay the bills, but we discussed the possibility of her moving out in the future because she is consistently living beyond her means. Thankfully she sees where I’m coming from and that I’m not trying to be mean–only realistic.

I know she’s working really hard to try and find a better job, but I still have that lingering bit of doubt.

I mean, I wouldn’t hire her based on her resume. She can’t seem to hold down a job for longer than a few months, and tends to pick short term contract stuff over anything stable. We all know that dozens of short jobs is not good for your resume!

Both myself and her employers need someone dependable and stable, and I don’t know if she can offer that to either of us. I think that’s where the problem lies. For now I’ve got some breathing room, but I kind of wish she would just give me notice and move out so I can find a proper roommate to replace her.

I need a little input on something to see if I’m just being totally selfish and crass, or if my concerns are valid.

So I spent a bunch of time and money making those giftbaskets for my friends. One of them was for this gal that I spent a lot of time with over the summer (the one who took in a female friend who then seduced her husband and got her kicked out of the relationship and the apartment).

The thing I am struggling with is whether to give her the basket at all at this point. Ever since I helped her get her shit together and move out of the house we’ve barely talked at all. She hasn’t invited me over to her new place or asked me to do anything with her. This is after she tells me that I’m “like a sister to her” in the summer.

See, I’ve never really felt that close to her. She was fun at times and was one of the people who helped me get settled in the Pagan community here. But the problem is that we are from totally different worlds.

You all know enough about me… she is a high school dropout, got pregnant at 16, has 3 kids that she lost custody of to her ex. She has mooched off of the government her whole life via welfare and disability. She’s also incredibly immature in that it’s like she never grew up past high school, which means she’s petty and a gossip and manipulative. She also has a tendency to exaggerate and blow things out of proportion.

I try to look past all of this because she does have a good heart. She loves her children and tries to take care of herself and others, and she has had a real rough life.

But lately, with this lack of contact in any form (and me finding out that she’s off partying with other mutual friends, having dinner parties, etc. without inviting me to anything) I’m not really feeling the love. I don’t really want to give her the basket I put so much effort into when I don’t feel like she “deserves it”; and I know she won’t reciprocate.

So tonight when I saw her at our Solstice/Yule celebration (yay for the birth of the son/sun!) I just gave her a card with a nice note in it instead. I am still on the fence about the gift.

I am so conflicted because I don’t want to give it to her and have myself get shafted, but at the same time it’s a gift for bobsakes! I know you’re not supposed to give gifts and expect anything in return. Plus, it would be a nice thing to do, and we DID have some good times.

Gifting is such a complex, deeply emotional thing for me. I have so many conflicting feelings about it. I want to give because it brings me joy. But I also want to be a scrooge because all my life I have given and given and never gotten anything in return from others. After a while you just have to stop sacrificing yourself for unrequited friendships. That’s how I’ve managed to make it through life so far–withdrawing into myself and trusting no one.

So now I’m left with an extra basket and I’m not sure what to do with it. Should I suck it up and give it to her, and never see her again?  Try and find someone else that I would like to give it to? Disassemble it and use the bits myself?

Am I being a selfish jerk, or am I within my rights to withhold this gift?

So, I got my H1N1 shot this weekend, and it went just fine. My mom’s office had finished giving it to all their high-risk patients and there was enough serum left for one more shot, so she brought it home to give to me.

My mom was pretty adamant about me getting the shot this year. Our family firmly believes in preventative medicine. If you have an option to prevent illness whether that is by getting a vaccine, taking vitamins or eating healthy, then we do it. The chances of me getting a shot here in TO in the next little while are pretty slim. Too many people were swamping the clinics, nothing was organized and there was a problem with shipment of the vaccines. What a mess! So she really wanted to make sure that I got one.

There are two main reasons I decided to get the shot (and always get the flu shots).

My mom is a nurse. It is her job to stay informed about possible public health issues and counsel her patients. She has been to several official seminars on H1N1 recently, and she also had to go through a ginormous stack of papers that lay out all the risks and benefits of getting the vaccine for each type of person (high risk, low risk, pregnant, diabetic, etc.) She needs to know this information so that she can not only inform her patients about the vaccine, but also to answer any questions that people may have about it. After fully understanding all information on the H1N1 vaccine, mom believes that the benefits of getting the shot far outweigh the few and small risks. If she is confident that getting the vaccine is a good thing, then I believe her.

Additionally, my mom has first-hand experience with the flu. Not only treating patients that have come down with it, but she actually caught it herself a month and a half ago. The flu is a little bit different for everyone that gets it, but it is quite the doozy!

I don’t want anyone to take this flu lightly. It is not like anything you have ever seen before. Yes, thousands more people die from the regular flu every year than H1N1 globally, but I’m not talking about death here. I’m talking about the plain old shittiness of getting this bad boy! Lots of people will get it, and most of them will survive.

But seriously? This is some scary shit. Like I said, my healthy, strong mother who is usually resistant to illness after years of nursing building her immune system came down with this in a bad way.

I have seen her with the flu before, but I have never seen her affected this badly. She had a high fever, intense body aches, pain all over. The sweats, the chills, nausea, diarrhea & the inability to consume food or drink for days on end. My mother, my caretaker, was totally broken by this flu. She was so weak she could hardly move, and would just lie there and moan when she wasn’t breathing erratically. I was only home for a weekend to take care of her, but what I saw scared me. My mom is a real trooper but she just couldn’t spring back from this. It took her weeks to regain her strength and shake the rest of the symptoms.

We were extremely lucky that she did not pass on the flu to any of us, and also that she did not acquire any secondary infections or complications (Such as the pneumonia that took the life of Joanna’s husband after a bout with Swine Flu).

I definitely think it is worth getting the shot, if only to prevent yourself the sheer misery that is H1N1!

I had another thought about the H1N1 shot, and flu shots in general. I know there are a lot of people who avoid getting the flu shots because they feel sick afterwards. Sometimes just for the day, sometimes for a week.

I hope that everyone realizes that you CANNOT catch the flu from the flu shot. The icky feeling you get after the injection is actually your body going into overdrive to create the antibodies and other protections that you will need to combat the virus.

Think of it this way: your body is a toy factory. It is constantly producing toys (antibodies for sake of argument) to ship out to the stores. Suddenly Christmas is around the corner and Toys R Us sends in a huge order that they need ASAP (the shot). The factory has to go into overtime to make all these toys to meet the deadline. Employees are working longer hours, management is trying to reallocate resources & pay overtime, and it’s just a general flurry of activity in the factory until the job gets done. Finally, all the toys are ready and sent to the warehouse. Everyone is a little bit tired, but they got it all done in time.

That same flurry of activity at the factory goes on inside your body when you get the shot. It sort of happens all at once and uses up your resources. That’s why you feel tired and icky and as if you’re coming down with something. Once the production is done, however, you’ll feel back to your old self, plus you’ll have all those toys (antibodies) in storage for when they are needed!

At least, that’s the way I understand it in layman’s terms. Of course I’m not a scientist or medial professional, but it makes sense to me. Take it with a grain of salt & do your own research if you think it sounds weird.

Now, this is purely speculation on my part, but the next thought I had was “why do some people feel fine after a shot, but some people feel gross for a week?”

My thinking? If you’ve already got a good and efficient immune system, your body won’t have to work so hard to create all those new antibodies. Maybe it’s even got a few on hand already! Therefore you wouldn’t have any of the sick feeling after getting the shot.

Conversely, if you don’t have a really efficient immune system, it’s going to take more time, effort and resources for your body to produce those antibodies, which is going to make you feel ick and for longer. I figure that these people who feel sick for a week after getting the shot are probably the ones that need it the most. Could you imagine that poor immune system having to combat an aggressive virus without being prepared? You’d lose the battle & get sick.

And again with the disclaimer… these are just my educated guesses on what goes on with vaccinations and our bodies, in layman’s terms. And I don’t think I need to tell you I have no idea if any of this applies to people with other medical conditions. If you’re one of those medical-types, feel free to confirm or correct my thinking on this. But be nice about it, sheesh!

So, do my musings strike a chord with you? Do you think I’m totally off base? As long as you’re not mean about it…DISCUSS!

Well, the submissions are in and we have 7 competitors for the best dating horror story.

The best story, as voted by you will win its author a custom-made silver ring that I will be making in the coming weeks. (I will also be posting photos of the process as I make it!)

Posted below are the entries, please vote for your favourite on the poll on the top-right part of the blog (Yes RSS readers, I’m making you visit the actual page. The horror!) The winner will be selected on Saturday, September 19th. I’ll probably announce it on the Monday.

Without further ado:

Short Blind Date
by FB

This was in my last year of high school and I was just starting to dip my toe into the dating pool. Yeah, I know, late bloomer loser.

Anyway, my friend tells me I should just date anyone and everyone, and coincidentally, she happens to have a guy she can set me up with on a date.

I’m giving her this eye like “Anyone and Everyone huh?“.. and she reassures me that he’s a good person, who happens to be at the university I’m about to attend the following year. I’m thinking at the very least, I can get the scoop on what campus life is like, and what fast food joints & professors for first year classes to avoid.

So my friend gives my email address to the guy,… let’s call him Todd. Todd calls instead of emailing back (so far, so good).. and we plan to meet up for a Saturday night as a first dinner and a movie date thing. I press him for some details under the pretense that I would be able to spot him in a sea of guys on a random street corner, and he tells me he’s 5′10″, what he’ll be wearing and where he’ll be waiting at what time.

He picks some spot about an hour away from where I live, and it takes like 2 buses to get there. I’m thinking it’s like a special restaurant and the poor guy doesn’t have a car, and I didn’t want to embarrass him by asking if he could pick me up (and I didn’t have my license or a car at the time). So I take the hour to get to this area in the middle of nowhere.

The day comes, and I show up wearing this comfortable jersey red wrap dress and flip flops, with a low amount of makeup on. I get to the corner, and all I see is this sad little guy leaning up against the corner of the cafe wall. I am PRAYING that is not him, and since my dating karma was going to start off bad before it would get better, he waves and says “FB?“

My heart falls, because I had some minimum expectations for the guy that clearly did not live up to what he said. I imagined him to have average looks, to be 5′10″ and decently dressed for a first date.

No, no. The guy is in ripped jean shorts, a kind of dirty beer t-shirt, flip flops and he is 5′4′!!!!

5′4″‘”!!!

He is a FULL 6 inches shorter than he said he’d be!!

The guy is SHORTER THAN ME. SHORTER THAN ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m about to bail at this point, but then my friend’s face pops in my head going: “FB, Anyone and Everyone. Dating pool virgin, here you go…” So I figure I’ll tough it out because heck, at least I’ll get a free dinner and some conversation to try out dating for the first time.

The first thing he says is : “Umm… you are.. really.. dressed up.“
I’m thinking in my head: “… In a dress and flip flops? That’s being dressed up? We’re in trouble here.“
So I reply: “Well, dressing up would be wearing heels, but I guess it was better I didn’t. *laughter to cover embarrassment*” Ohh zing.

He didn’t catch the zing.

Maybe he meant to say: 5 feet, ONE INCH. Instead of 5 feet, 10 inches. Anyway.

We start walking about 25 blocks or so and it was a good thing it was a nice night, because it was a longggg way. He leads me to the restaurant, and we pass a really nice sushi one (we had mentioned a shared love of sushi).. walks past the sushi restaurant and leads me into HOOTERS.

I’m walking in there, kind of annoyed at this point but still willing to see it to the end before I bail early. He tells me it’s his favourite restaurant, and I’m mentally stabbing my friend with a blunt pencil. We have an awkward, stilted conversation, because he confesses he isn’t actually in the university I’m about to go to. He’s at a different university, AFFILIATED with the one I am about to attend. We can’t even talk about school. The entire conversation was a blur, because I ate those wings to get out of there as soon as possible, and as I’m about to leave, he says he has his car and offers to give me a ride since we’re in the middle of nowhere-ish, and the public transit is another walk back. He also mentions it’s getting colder and I don’t have a sweater, so… it’d be better in the car.

I’m thinking: Okay.. not bad. That’s gentlemanly to offer to give me a ride home.

And the guy ends up driving me back the 25 blocks we walked, puts his flashers on and stops in front of the public transit station.

I’m.. confused. I thought he was giving me a ride back, and maybe he was just stopping at an area to pick up a friend or whatever. No. No. He tells me “I had a really great time meeting you, I think we really hit it off! Here’s the transit station……… you can get home okay by yourself right?“

I’m… livid at this point but too polite as he is apparently my friend’s friend. I stutter something like: “Umm .. yeah. It was fun.” and I trudge into the transit station to ride home the hour it took me to get to HOOTERS to meet a loser.

The guy emails me the next day, asking if we can do it again. I politely told him I had other plans and I didn’t think we hit it off as a couple but we could be friends (yeah right).

He doesn’t get the hint from my “let’s be friends” email, presses my friend for details because he really thought he had an awesome time on the date (and so did I) and was hitting it off with me. When I told my friend what REALLY happened, she was mortified, but let him down easy telling him some made up story about how I was taking it slow because I was a dating virgin .. bla bla bla.

Awful. Luckily, some of the dates after that was better than that. I have another horror one where I am almost scared the guy was going to rape me, but that isn’t really funny. Just.. horrible and I’m glad I got out of there without getting hurt.

Animal Hospital Lover
by Revanche

Back in college, I worked at a local animal hospital. I’d run into all kinds of people who lived in my town from my past: a third grade teacher who totally recognized me 15 years later because I “hadn’t changed a bit,” the parents of a friend from second grade I hadn’t seen since the school district rezoned the elementary schools. Almost without exception, all the re-meet and greets were pleasant surprises, I was so happy to reconnect to these lovely folks!

One day, I made the mistake of thinking aloud, “[insert last name]? Hm, I went to school with a Boy Last-Name.”
“Oh??” said Boy’s mother.
Oops.
“Well … until junior high, anyway …. ” stutter-stammered I. I hadn’t had any intention of remaking that particular one’s acquaintance.
“How interesting!” Boy’s mother.

Later that night, the phone rang. The phone AT WORK rang. “Is this R?”
“Er, why yes, I did just say my name. Can I help you?”
“This is Boy! My mom was just in there and told me she ran into you!”
“Er, why yes, yes she did. Is Fluffy ok?”
“So when do you get off work?”
“Notuntillate that’stheother line I’vegottago bye!”

Boy proceeded to phone-stalk me at work for the next two weeks. Then he took it to another level: he showed up at work! As the son of a good client and the top doc’s Favorite Boy Scout, he couldn’t just be shown the door. (ARGH) Even had to show him my work schedule to prove I couldn’t go to the school reunion-whatever thingie he kept inviting me to. And the other dinnery-groupish thing. Thank goodness for working nights, thank goodness for being Asian enough to claim curfew post-work shift!

He finally finagled his way into one weekday afternoon, asked me to do some nonsense like see a movie together or something. The number of times his invitations were declined had become embarrassing and I was still naive enough, new enough to dating (at age 19!) that I had no real idea how to deal efficiently and effectively with attention. Or any, for that matter.

As it turns out, he was pretty naive about dating as well. He picked me up. I chose the theatre. We arrived too late to catch the right movie, decided that there was another theatre across the road and started walking in that direction.

He pulled out his cell phone. And called his parents to check movie times at the other theatre. Across the freakin’ street!

I couldn’t believe it. I was floored, and totally done with the “date.” There was some waxing philosophical about swordfighting (a la Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon) on his part, there was much waxing Get-me-the-hell-HOME on mine. I pulled the “oh gosh, look at the time, I’ve got to get home since we’re not going to be at that movie!”

He continued to phone-stalk me for a few more weeks …..while I suddenly because much more deft at dodging his calls.

Vomit Boy
by Caroline

My story may not be the worst, but it’s definitely not good. Here goes:

I was home from college one weekend (this was years ago) and I decided to get my oil changed. I drove up to the local Jiffy Lube and the manager there started flirting with me. He also fixed one of the belts in my car for free. So (at the urging of my mother) I asked if there was anything I could do to thank him. He said that I could give him my number, which I did. I went back to school and after a few days passed I figured he must not have really been interested and just forgot about it. But he did call eventually (this should have been my first sign), and asked if I would come back up home for the St. Patrick’s Day weekend. He wanted to go out for St. Patrick’s Day. So we arranged a date. The day of, he calls and asks if I would mind picking him up, at his parents’ house (where he lives). Apparently he had a suspended driver’s license because he had been caught driving under the influence (should have been sign number 2). Then I hear him talking to someone in the background, and he tells me it’s his daughter. They both live at his parents’ house. Which is fine, I suppose. I mean, I’m only 21, so I’m not ready for kids, but this is just a date, so it’s fine.

So I agree that I will pick him up. Except he says it would be easier if I picked him up on the main street outside his parents’ subdivision. Ooooh-kay. I pick him up later that night at the parking lot of a dry-cleaners. We start off by going to a popular Irish pub in the area but it was so crowded that he couldn’t get fast enough service at the bar (sign number 3?) so we left. We went to a few other places, but they were all really busy (it was St. Patrick’s Day. On a Friday night. What did he expect?), so eventually we ended up at a Bennigan’s. (This is a now-defunct “Irish” version of a TGI Friday’s.) We get seated, and order some appetizers and some drinks.

By 10:30 he is trashed. So trashed in fact that he vomits. At the table. All over the table. The waiter immediately comes over with napkins and he and I try to clean up everything. My date just keeps demanding that the waiter bring him another drink. The waiter brings the check instead. In order to get us out of there, I pay the bill and escort my date to my car. It’s late enough that I can get away with saying that I need to go to sleep, so I start to drive him home. He passes out in my car. Eventually we get back to the area where I picked him up – but he won’t wake up. I don’t know where he lives. Eventually I call his house, and wake up his parents. My call goes something like this: “Hello? I’m SO sorry for calling and waking you up, but your son is passed out in my car and I don’t know where your house is. Can you give me directions?” But that’s not even the end! I get to his house, and his father comes outside to try and help get his semi-conscious son back into the house. At this point, my date wakes up, realizes he’s home, and thinks it’s time for the goodnight kiss. With vomit breath. As I pull away, his father has to pull him out of the car to keep him from grabbing and kissing me. Even his father apologized to me for his son’s behavior.

He never called me again.

Too Little, Too Late
By Frugal Fundamentals

Background:
I just got out of a ridiculously long term relationship and thought I should give dating a whirl again after 6 years. Enter Match.com. I fill in the details, upload a pic and think nothing more of it. Email after email floats in. I look at the prospective candidates, send a few emails and develop a repertoire with a guy Jeff, who’s about my age, incredibly well read, uses spell check and seems gainfully employed. We finally agree to meet for drinks at a place near my house.

The Date:
On the night of the date I obsessed over what to wear, selected just the right amount of jewelry and perfume and set out. He left it up to me to decide on a place so I picked a local bar/restaurant that wasn’t too far from me. I suggested we meet for drinks at 8pm and he was okay with that. Since I’m freakishly obsessive about being punctual I arrive at the place at 7:30pm. I sit in my car, heart racing and trying to resist the urge to gnaw on my freshly painted nails. 8:00pm rolls around and I do one last make up check, and walk one block down to the place. (I am grossly incapable of being fashionably late.) We had exchanged pictures so I had an idea of what to look for. (He looked gorgeous – tall, athletic, slim, well groomed…. YAY!) The bar was crowded as ever and I thought I would order a drink in the hope that he would see me… For the record, Im blind as a bat without my glasses and thought I would look better sans said specs that night. I order a sprite from the heavily tattooed yet gorgeous bartender and scouted the room for him. (I was too nervous to drink…)

8:10 pm rolls around…. no 6ft, blonde, blue eyed guy yet. I take a sip.
8:15pm More sprite. I begin to worry that I am drinking too much too fast and would need to pee soon.
8:30pm Now Im getting antsy, really, really antsy. A random too-drunk guy tries to initiate conversation… he smells of too much tequila and even more cigaretty smoke. I brush him off as politely as possible and whip out my cell phone to text “Jeff.”

Jeff texts me back saying that he’s at an Obama fundraiser and is running late. He asks if I mind waiting.

In my head Im thinking “WTF? Do I mind waiting….???? Has he figured out that I HAVE been waiting…for the last 1/2 hour?”

Trying to not be a grouchy and miserable date before the date even begins, I text him back saying that I could wait at most 15 minutes as I have an early morning. I set the timer on my cell phone. (I wish I were kidding about that but I am THAT crazy about people being late.) I engage in polite conversation with the bartender and order another sprite.

13 minutes later in walks the 6ft, blue eyed blonde Jeff. I was pleasantly surprised to see him in a business suit. He looked hell yummy…. (A little formal for the place I picked but hey, Im not complaining.) He sees me and comes over and hugs me. We go through the pleasantries of how nice it is to finally meet. He does not apologize for being late however. I try to get the bartenders attention and next thing I know, Jeff disappeared. He comes back a few minutes later and says “Yeah, I got us a table in the back.” Now I was annoyed. We were supposed to meet for drinks only. He shows up 43 minutes late and now I have to have dinner with him. We sit down, he grunts over the menu and is grossly impolite to our waitress. I try to make up by asking her how she is and giving her my order. (I’m now on my 3rd Sprite.) Jeff just ordered 2 beers (both for him) and was annoyed that I wasn’t drinking. I told him I was driving and didn’t feel like it. After calling me a lightweight he went on to comment on why I drove and didnt walk instead seeing that I lived in the neighborhood.

Okay, maybe he’s just had a long day and is absolutely starving. I try not to be judgemental and cut him some slack.

I make a joke about not wanting to walk in killer heels and he starts telling me how stupid it is to wear high heels in the first place.

At this point Im thinking, “Listen you f****er, I hate heels and hate dating… cut me some damn slack for trying to look good and be on time. Im debating my inner demons trying to figure out whether I should cut out on this date or at least be polite enough to finish dinner.

Thank God, our waitress comes back with our food and he shuts the hell up for a few minutes. For the record he orders the beef brisket with extra sauce and I order mussels in a wine broth. I offer him a some of my dish and he puts his saucy, beefy hands into the mussel pot to grab a few.

Somehow the idea of using a spoon never crossed his mind. More than that we had talked about how I dont eat meat so to have pieces of beef brisket swimming in my broth was nauseating at best. I stifle the need to hurl and eat some bread instead.

We start talking about work a few minutes later and he asks wayyy too many details about my job that have more to do with my clients than with what I do. He tells me about how passionate he is about politics and the starts asking me about my political affiliations. I try to be neutral on politics until I know a person well enough. I tell him that I feel all politicians are corrupt and it just comes down to picking the best of the worst really. He is clearly annoyed at my answer.

Now, I know Im no dating pro here but you do not start off a first date asking about politics and religion.

Next topic: He asks me where Im from and I tell him that I was born in S. Africa. He fiercely debates whether Im lying or not because according to him, Im not white enough, nor am I black enough to qualify. I firmly explained the history and demographic make up of S. Africa and he finally, grudgingly dropped the topic. I noticed the wine list on the table and casually asked him to tell me more about his favorite wines.. (we had briefly discusses whites versus reds over email.)

Now wine seems to be a safe topic to bring up. I like reds/whites and can hold a relatively knowledgeable conversation about the various grapes and regions.

Our waitress comes back to check in on us. She and I exchange a few pained glances and I secretly wonder if she would help me make my escape if he heads to the bathroom. (Hell, after 2 beers Im wondering how he could NOT want to pee. Half a glass into the soda and I was ready to explode.) He was incredibly knowledgeable about wine and I figured that our date may have gotten off to a rocky start but who knows, things might be looking up! Then he asks me which S. African wine I buy. I tell him. Then the shit hits the fan. He starts berating (and Im not kidding!) me for buying wines that were not socially responsible. He goes on and on about how the poor folks in S. Africa are underpaid for all the labor on the vineyards and I, as a so called South african, can not even do the decent thing and buy a bottle of wine to “give back to the community.” I didnt know what the hell to say. The restaurant is loud so his wild rants dont attract too much attention but our waitress is making frequent trips past our table. (I secretly think that she was standing by in case I needed to use her bottle opener as a weapon.) I try to explain that I didnt know about these wines and he cuts me off and says that maybe I should try to be a better person and give back a little.

At this point our waitress comes back to the table and offers us dessert. Before he could respond I cut him off, told her that I wasnt interested in dessert and if she could please bring me the bill. I think this shocked him. He looked a little taken aback and changed his tone. He tried to be nicer and less confrontational but at this point, I WAS DONE. He starts telling me about his little obsession with making lists. He tells me that the restaurant (along with the one next door) has been on his list for months. The waitress comes back, I grab cash from my purse, put it into the bill holder and grab my jacket. He doesnt offer to pay, he doesnt apologize for being a douche. Instead he says “you know, Im not an alcoholic or anything (this was his 4th beer in an hour) but do you want to go next door and grab a drink? Id like to cross this that place off my list.”

I look at him absolutely dumbfounded. Were we even AT the same table for the last hour? I said simply, “Jeff, I dont think this is for me. Please dont call me ever,” and hightailed the hell out of there! I should have told him that I wanted to cross him off my f*** list. I was shaking by the time I got into my car. I drove home, logged into match.com and deleted my account. It took me another 6 months before I went on another date….

Backstreet Boy
By Krystal

I had a crush on somebody I worked with in high school. When I moved to Michigan to go to University, he drove 3000 miles in a rusty truck to visit me. We went for a drive around the college campus. He pulled over beside this lake. It was all very romantic. He took my hands, stared into my eyes, and started singing “Shape of my Heart” by Backstreet Boys. It was so awkward and pretty much the cheesiest thing that I have ever had happen to me, so I couldn’t help but giggle. Then I couldn’t stop, and I was laughing so hard that I started crying. I thought it was a joke! He was absolutely mortified. He dropped my hands, drove me back to my dorm room, and immediately drove back home. I never heard from him again!

Okay I guess it wasn’t a horror story, but whenever I think of awkwardly cheesy moments in my dating history, that one always stays with me.

Is There a Problem, Officer?
by Lia

About four years ago, I and my boyfriend ( now become my husband ) went to celebrate our 2nd year anniversary.

After we had a romantic candle light dinner, we decided to back to our home. On the way before we arrived to my home, my boyfriend stopped his car in front of somebody’s house. The place was very empty and I just saw a few cars parked over there.

He tried to say something to me, he created a long long long story before he reached the main point ( to propose to me ). I just could not wait to hear that part, butttttttttttttttttttt……

Suddenly someone knocked the window, we were shocked… a police man! He asked my boyfriend what we were doing in here, and many kind of questions. I felt that he thought were a couple of robbers or criminals or something like that.

Hi Mom!
By Melanie

I met ‘S’ on an online dating site.
He seemed like an okay guy, although not really my type on a few different levels.
I had decided this year to be a little/lot more open-minded in my dating pursuits than I have been previously.
I first need to explain that I really dislike speaking on the phone prior to physically meeting people. I suppose it goes hand in hand with the fact that I don’t like to wait too long to meet men after striking up internet conversation.

Anyway, ‘S’ kept telling me how strange I was for disliking to talk on the phone.(This went on for a few email conversations) We arranged to meet and I sent along my phone number in case we had to reschedule, cancel, etc. Immediately after I sent him my number (and explaining that I did not like to speak on the phone previously)..he called. We chatted briefly (and awkwardly). He, still telling me how weird I was about the phone thing. He was obviously at some family event and was also talking with whomever was there. We reiterated plans to meet for drinks and a movie and hung up.
He called 5 minutes later to apologize for calling.

Fast forward to date night (after a few “good morning” texts…which would be nice in a long term relationship, but definitely weird in a non-dating ‘relationship’). We meet in front of the theatre at the same time and head over to the adjacent restaurant for a drink/quick bite.

We were seated next to a couple with two young children, the waiter (who was cute, go figure!) brought over some drinks and we started the process of getting to know each other. ‘S’ started telling me how popular he was in his musical career, knowing I worked in music as well. (I had never heard of him, but he works in the Christian gospel genre and I dealt more with mainstream pop/rock so that was understandable…ish) He kept on repeating how important he was and name dropping (which I totally HATE and refuse to take part in) and referring to himself in the third person.

I tried to change the topic to online dating and whether he had many online date experiences, etc. That was a big mistake. Immediately he jumped into raunchy stories of women he had dated (I don’t know how true it all was) and kept throwing around vulgar terms for womens private parts. LOUDLY. (All in front of these children!) I was mortified.

I have no clue why I agreed to continue with the rest of the date.

He insisted we see ‘Last House on the Left’. Which he said all his friends had raved about. I had seen reviews and was 100% not interested in, but knew how much he wanted to see it. We approach the ticket counter and he just stands there. Awkward pause between the ticket girl and he and I. I announce the movie to the girl, she prints the ticket and I wait for him to reach for his wallet. No reach. Awkward pause. I pull my wallet out and pay $25 for two tickets to a movie I don’t want to see.

We find our seats and the movie begins. We have had the discussion about annoying people talking while the movie is going on and how we both are not fans of that. 45 minutes into the movie and his phone rings. It rings about 4 times before he decides to answer it…IN THE THEATRE!!! He says he can’t talk and will call later. He sends a few texts and receives a few. By now we are the most hated people in the room.
With the movie over, we leave the theatre and attempt to say our goodbyes outside. He picks this moment to call his mother *yes, his mother* to tell her he is on the way home. I think ‘hmmmm…why doesn’t he wait until I am gone and he’s in his car?’

He is chatting up a storm with his mom and all of a sudden thrusts the phone onto my ear and says..“Say hi to my mother!” His mother and I briefly (and horribly awkwardly) say hello and I draw away from the phone.
WE say goodbye and head off to our cars. I get a phone call 20 minutes later (which I don’t answer) from him saying how successful our date was. He emails me and requests a second date. I politely decline saying I’m busy.

He still emails me randomly to this day to which I have sent simple one-liners out of courtesy.

That date was in April.

And now I am back for more.

Not to mention that everyone is strapped for cash these days, and the tickets ain’t cheap.

So I’ve posted them on CL, but not where you would think! I did a post on the Strictly Platonic section, in the hopes that I can meet someone cool to go with. I did this because no matter who I sell it to I’m going to have to sit next to them–so why not someone of my choosing?

I did this last year for a NIN concert and a girl came with me. It was ok but we didn’t really stay friends after the concert. But I’m ok with that. It’s better than being completely alone or with a complete stranger!

When I told my friends that is what I did, they thought it was a good idea but asked me why I didn’t open it up to guys, too? It never occurred to me that maybe I’d be able to meet a cute guy with similar music tastes!

So I opened it up to guys this time. I got some random crappy 1-line emails, some guys trying too hard, and an over-enthusiastic girl who is too young for me to go with. There were a few decent emails, though. Some people didn’t even want the ticket, they just wanted to be friends with me….?

So I took the plunge and wrote back to a cute guy who had a normal email, actually included a photo as requested, and actually lives in my neighbourhood! He was even sensible enough to ask to get a beer or coffee together before agreeing to sell him the ticket.

I just sent him the email, so I’m not sure if he’ll answer back, or if he wants to do it this way. But damn, he is cute! And employed! I figure I can see how things go and try to come out of my boy-fearing shell a little bit.

There is always the chance that he has a GF and really IS just looking for an extra ticket… but even if that is the case I will still have a cutie to go with, right?

And this way I have the upper hand in everything, which will hopefully give me some more confidence in dealing with this situation. I plan to pick the time and place to meet, and I hold the ticket so I really have all the power. A rare situation indeed!

Hopefully this all works out. Here’s the email from him if you’re interested:

“Hi, I randomly got on craigslist looking for an apartment and something drew me to the platonic section. Maybe I’ve had too much to drink?

I love [Band] and would love to go see them. I’ve seen them only once and it was the best concert of my life.

a little about me; Im 26, I work in a physio clinic as a kinesiologist, I’m laid back, down to earth, low maintenance kind of guy.
i live near [Ginger's neighbourhood], if you want to meet for a coffee or beer before agreeing to sell me the ticket.

My number is below, feel free to call me or send me an email.
Cheers”

Also: Don’t bother trying to creep me on CL, I’ve taken the posting down already!

I just got a call from that friend who ditched me last night.

Apparently she is in the hospital and needs me to pick her up as they won’t let her go without someone there with her. And she can’t or won’t get her family to pick her up.

She didn’t tell me much, but said the police picked her up in an alley last night and that she’s hurt and they’re holding her in the emergency room. I have NO idea what this could mean. I’ve never known her to be one for risky behaviour so I don’t know what’s going on.

The problem is that I am at work right now, and can’t easily go pick her up.

She’s going to call me back in half an hour and let me know if she has seen a doctor yet and if she still needs me to come and get her. The reason I am hesitating is because if she is able to be released on her own, I don’t want to get permission and go alllll the way there to find out she didn’t really need me after all.

Just like last night.

Gawd, the drama lately! This is so surreal, and I am out of my depth. I hope I’m handling this the right way.

I just had a friend call me at 10pm asking to crash at my place. It seems she was caught in between moving in and out of an apartment. She was going to stay with her sister but her sister cancelled….

Ok I’m really pissed about this and just had a convo with another friend who doesn’t know her. It sums things up pretty well so you’ll have to suffer with a pasted convo:

Friend says:
Hey. How was your day yesterday?
Ginger says:
it was ok
im kind of pissed right now though
a friend just asked to crash at my place
she didn’t have anywhere else to go tonight, so i said yes
F says:
Damn, that sucks
G says:
i told her to get here before 11pm so i could settle her in
and i went and pulled out all the freaking stuff in the guest room, made her bed, etc
and she’s at a club downtown right now.
it was 1030 by this point after i’ve been cleaning very quietly
F says:
Ugh..
G says:
and i txt her asking her to be here soon
and she fuckin’ txts me back saying she can’t leave right now
her party is more important than a place to stay tonight!?!?!?
so she basically says she won’t be coming anymore
so pissed. i am so put out right now. i went to all that trouble at the last minute for her
and now she’s not even coming. what am i, a hotel?
i really don’t mind helping people out, but fucking follow through, eh?
F says:
I don’t blame you one bit
G says:
i just can’t believe she would ask me a big favour like that and then make me go to the trouble, then not even come!
seriously!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!eleventyone!11!!!!
F says:
So beat her with a nerf bat when you see her next
G says:
urgh
seriously, i don’t mind helping but i HATE being taken advantage of
F says:
That’s because you’re so awesome. So when you’re put out like this, you get super pissed
G says:
yeah no kidding.
i used to be such a doormat. i believe in helping others, but sometimes it makes it worse for me
now she’s changed her mind and has said she’ll come and is offering to make me breakfast
i’m not even here for breakfast
*big sigh*
i don’t know what to do
—————–

Still upset. She keeps waffling back and forth about coming, and it seems to me her glass of wine is more important than her friend that just went the extra mile for her benefit. I’m not letting her come over now.

What I really want to do later is call her and yell at her a little. Tell her that I feel really taken advantage of by her and that she needs to shape up or ship out. I like her and don’t mind helping her, but there has to be some gratitude and respect in there somewhere, and I ain’t feelin’ it.

Am I being unreasonable? Flame away, my friends, flame away.

Hey readers,

I think I need some advice from you guys. I don’t really have anyone in real life that I feel comfortable talking about this stuff with, so onto the blog it goes.

Remember how I mentioned that I was talking to a guy online, and that we wanted to meet? And the drama that ensued?

Well here’s a follow up for you.

After the weekend that he cancelled, I pretty much didn’t hear from him at all. No MSN, and no phone call even though he had my number. I was feeling a little dejected and figured that if he wanted to meet with me (since he initiated contact!) that he would call or email me. This didn’t happen.

Finally the other night I pretty much had it. I wanted to know what the hell was going on. I’m pretty fed up and didn’t feel like “fading away” as it so often happens. I wanted answers, dammit. I didn’t care if we actually met or anything, I just wanted to know why I was getting what felt like the cold shoulder especially since he was so into chatting with me and meeting me before. Yes, he could have just been busy, but that never stopped him from chatting with me before.

Anyway, I just opened up my MSN window and after some pleasantries I asked him if he was still interested in meeting me, and that I wondered why he hadn’t been talking with me as much lately.

Apparently he was indeed very busy, but was also thinking of getting back together with his ex.

Yeah, you heard me.

Clearly this bothers me. A lot. While I realize that lots of people keep their options open and may do the online dating thing with several people at once, I do NOT like knowing I’m his second choice. And I told him this. He replied that he was keeping his options open and that he hadn’t decided. I’m just sitting there thinking that he’s an idiot and has been stringing me along for a while. I mean, how is some chick you found on your MSN (never met in person nor spoken on the phone with) going to stack up against your EX? I’ve got a snowball’s chance in hell!

At the same time I’m somewhat quieted by the fact that he’s really upfront an honest about this. I would be doing the same thing, and I’m sure I will in the future, but do you really tell all your dates that they’re in competition with your ex and who knows how many other people? It’s an implicit agreement between people, you don’t frigging bring it up!

Ugh, now I’m upset thinking about this. I told him straight up how I felt about this and how ridiculous it was that he has had my number for weeks and never called, and cancelled our meeting before. So he offered to call me on Thursday night after work. Which will be tonight as I write this.

The thing is, I don’t know whether it’s worth even talking to this guy? I mean, in the beginning I didn’t know who he was or even felt compelled to talk to him much. I just did it because I was bored. But then he seemed interested in me and they were nice chats, so I became open to the idea of meeting in person. Now I’m somewhat invested in this situation and he’s backing off and telling me (still some random stranger) that he’s interested in me but also interested in hooking up with his ex?!

I really don’t know what to do. I will admit that I am kind of desperate for some practice dates since I’m a loser in that area; but I also wonder if I’ll be able to keep my temper with this dude. I mean, there’s a chance that we hit it off wonderfully, right? And it’s not like I have anyone else that’s interested in me. I feel like I need to make a solid decision about this—do I?

Should I talk to him on the phone and pretend that I’m ok with being compared to his ex? Should I tell him that this is stupid and that I don’t want to be in any competition for the affections of some guy I don’t even know yet? Should I just blow him off altogether? Am I being too hasty and judgemental?

I can’t possibly capture the entire story with all details and emotions here, but if you were in my position, how would you handle this?