What do you do if you are jealous of your best friend?

More and more I am experiencing this feeling, and I’m afraid it’s going to get out of control. Can you help please?

Let me share my experience with you so you can decide where to spend your money next time you’re in Yorkville. Hopefully it won’t be at Moroco.

I’ve been to Moroco numerous times. It’s a little expensive, but I love the atmosphere and the chocolate is pretty good too. It’s a real fun experience for a date or girl’s night out. It’s also great for an office Christmas party. Oh yes. I got my office to have their party there this year and it was awesome! We had everything on the chocolate menu and unlimited champagne and lattes. Go big or go home, I say.

Every time the staff was attentive, the food delicious and presented nicely.

But not this time.

Tonight we stopped by for a few tasty treats including macarons, frozen hot chocolate and French sipping chocolate. Our bill was near $50 for the 3 of us.

We seated ourselves on the half-full patio and ordered our items. We had no problems getting our food, but afterwards, oh my! It was atrocious!

As we were finishing up, gabbing away and enjoying ourselves (it was a lounge, after all) the downward spiral began. Let me illustrate it via a list of strikes against Moroco.

Strike #1

Normally when I order the sipping chocolat, I swap out the truffle for a macaron. In the past this has never been an issue, but this time the waitress said it was not possible at all (not even if I paid more) and I was stuck with a truffle. I don’t really like them and was surprised that she was so brusque about it.

Strike #2

The waitress cleared our dishes away before asking if we were done or if we wanted anything else. Had she asked, I would have actually ordered some more macarons.

Strike #3

The bill was dumped on our table far too soon, and we felt like we were being pushed out. We ignored it for a while while we were enjoying our remaining drinks, but the waitress kept coming back and huffing every time she saw there was no money sitting with the bill. Finally she came back and told us that there was a 30 minute limit for sitting on the patio if you’re only ordering drinks. She said this was written on the menu and that there were other reservations coming in.

There are several problems with this.

1. It’s a LOUNGE. People go there to LOUNGE while they eat and drink. Why is there such a short time limit for this? Why wasn’t this actually printed on the menu? Here’s a screenshot from their site:
   

   Notice how they refer to themselves as a lounge & tout the MoRoCo experience

   
   If we just wanted a cheap & quick coffee drink we would have gone to Tim Horton’s! Why would we pay $50 to be rushed out??

2. The patio was nearly empty, and there were other patrons having nothing but drinks who were there far longer than we were. Why was our small party singled out? We weren’t being loud or unruly, and we were dressed well.
3. I didn’t order a drink at all, but one of their specialties from the menu. Even if there was some kind of rule, I would have been exempt on that technicality. It also wasn’t nearly as good as last time.
   
4. If they really did have a reservation, they could have politely asked us to move to another table. We would have obliged, but this was never brought up. We were rudely told to leave, instead.

Strike #4

The final strike was like salt in the wound. We looked at the bill to find that we were charged the group gratuity rate of 18.5% on our order. Outrageous! We weren’t even a group or large party, there were only 3 of us!

According to their own menu, there is a gratuity charge, but only for groups of 6 or more. When did 3 become 6??

From their own menu, only groups of 6 or more will be charged the gratuity

At that point we were livid. We went out for a good time and some luxurious treats and instead were treated like we were scum. I was SO embarrassed since I had recommended this place! What a great impression of Toronto/Yorkville to give Krystal on her first visit to the area.

We decided not to pay the stupid automatic gratuity (and why the hell was it so high!?!?) and just paid the bill plus a small tip since we’re not misers. I also left a note on the bill explaining that it was unacceptable to charge us the tip in advance AND kick us out after only 30 minutes. After that we high-tailed it out of there, afraid that the waitress would come chasing after us when she saw the small tip. (Did I mention that the money hadn’t been on the table for more than a minute before she swooped in like a vulture and scooped it up???)

I am really disappointed by this whole experience. I really want to like Moroco, I really do! But if this is the way they are treating their loyal customers these days, then I guess my romance with fancy chocolate is over.

I just can’t get over our treatment. Here we are being snubbed by a waitress at a fancy establishment. HELLO. OBVIOUSLY WE CAN AFFORD TO BE HERE since, ya know, we ARE here.

Think about it, dear readers. Is this a place that YOU would like to visit??

Remember my post about Bachelors #1 and #2?

#1 guy just called me! WTF!

He said he was calling “to apologize”…. though for what I don’t know! At first he said he was sorry for not calling me sooner, but I really wonder. It’s been over a month since he should have called me. Plus, I know about his gf now and told him so.

He just sort of went “uhhh…. yeah…” I’m not sure if he was expecting me to know! At that point I just told him that I couldn’t go out with anyone that is seeing someone else, especially if the other girl doesn’t know!

Open, consenting relationships are one thing, but if she doesn’t know he’s dating around, it’s not cool in my books.

Fingers crossed he got the message!

No matter how much I want to get out there and start dating, I can’t go out with deceptive people like that. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Bachelor #1

My bff is so desperate to see me go on a date that she tried to set me up with a guy at her job. Ok, I go along with it. It would be a good “practice date”.

He sends me some bizarre emails after creeping me on facebook, but never calls me even after she gives him my number. Ok… weird. I don’t really care much since I wasn’t really into him, I’m mostly just trying to push my personal boundaries these days and this would have been a good exercise.

It’s a good thing I never did go out with him! My bff tells me over drinks later that he was already engaged to another girl! Sheesh! Who does that??? I feel so bad for the girl he is going to marry

Bachelor #2

Ok, this is one that I’m still not sure about. Opinions requested! (some of you may remember my Mr. Darcy, this feels sort of similar… hmmm…)

“Wolf” is a sales rep that I work with. I am one of his clients. A couple weeks ago he took me for lunch at the Keg (after determining that we were both really, really into steak). I really like this guy. He’s cute/hot, well dressed & groomed, interesting to talk to and makes me giggle like a schoolgirl.

We had a really fantastic lunch together with wine & red meat. Mmmm. Well, as it turns out, we both share a passion for food and cooking, hosting, entertaining, etc. among other things. Somehow we got talking about BBQ and we invited each other over to our places “whenever we have our next BBQ”. I know Wolf is single, and bff has verified that he’s not gay (For some reason I am attracted to a lot of gay guys… must be the good hygiene!) so I’m starting to wonder where this is going.

He decides to add me to facebook right away via his phone at the table. Woohoo!

We finish our lunch (even though I can tell that neither of us wants to!) and head back to work. Later that day I got a message from him on Facebook:

Subject: Dinner Photos

 

“Hey Ginger,

 

After talking food this aft, I remembered reading about people who take photos of their meals and blog about them and I always wanted to do it.

If you’re up for it, I was hoping we could trade meal pics and descriptions. I’m a little nervous by the thought of it but I think’d be fun.

Let me know your thoughts.

Ciao”

Ok blogging friends, what do you think of this? Is it even worth reading into? At this point I can’t tell if he really just wants to talk to someone about food because it’s interesting; or if he’s into me and wants a reason to stay in contact; or if maybe he just has a fat girl+food fetish.

I reply back saying that it sounds kinda funny but cool and mention that I’ve heard of this before (duh, I sort of do this already on here!). I tell him I’m sending over my crockpot lasagna recipe & photos and do so, but through his hotmail address.

And then I never hear back.

BUT!

Maybe I can excuse this behaviour? His company was throwing a huge party the following Thursday, and I’m sure that he was involved in making it happen in addition to his other client service stuff during the week. Perhaps that is why I never got a response via email or FB?

The good news is  that I was invited to that party, so of course I fantasized about seeing him all week… *sigh*

I enlisted the help of my bff and we stormed that party in all our hotness. After a few rounds at the bar I finally located Wolf and got a chance to talk/shout over the music with him. Bff graciously left us alone (well, as alone as you can get in a club). He said that his phone was acting up this week and that is his normal method of accessing FB, hence the lack of reply. I didn’t remember at the time to ask him why he didn’t reply to my old-fashioned email instead…

Anyway, I was a little drunk and A LOT touchy-feely that night. So I touched him. Yup, I actually crossed that self-imposed line! I reached out and touched someone! OMG his skin is SO SOFT. I just wanted to rub/lick/do naughty things to it all night. But we’re technically at a work party, so that was out of the question. Plus, I still don’t really know if he’s into me or not. We talk, and I re-invite him to this awesome Alice in Wonderland themed party I’m going to next week (this week) and he says he’ll come as the Mad Hatter!!! I’m so excited.

I can’t really remember what else we talked about, but I was able to casually bump arms and stuff with him throughout our conversation, which is pretty good for me since I’m usually anti-touch by default. Progress!

Anyway, a bunch of other stuff happened (took a bunch of photos with him at the photo booth, some VERY questionable in content!) but what it all boils down to is that I still don’t know if he is into me or not. He was a little drunk, trying to schmooze with everyone (it’s his job), performing his sales rep duties, and my bff thinks that he was a little geeky & awkward, so maybe that’s why he wasn’t reciprocating towards me? I’ve talked about the difficulties of  sales rep/client relationships before.

He didn’t pull away from my touches, but he didn’t really touch me back. Is that bad?

Anyway, I haven’t heard from him since the party. I am assuming that he’ll be coming out this Friday but wonder if I should follow up with him or not. I really DO want him to come because I think it will be a great time and a chance for us to get to know one another outside of work. Plus, I can tell him that I’m leaving the industry. That will be the real litmus test. If he’s actually into me, it should make it easier for him since there are no business lines to cross anymore. On the other hand, if he was only flirting with me to get my money, his attentions will abruptly drop off.

So yeah. A nice, big, complicated story. My friends and I have no idea what to make of him for now. I don’t want to get my hopes up too much, but it felt like something might have been there. Once I leave the industry things might make more sense (compared to Mr. Darcy) since Wolf is single, my age and into similar things. I also think he is secretly a geek masquerading as a hot dude. But I’m ok with that. I’m sort of doing the same thing, or trying to!

Whew. This got really long. I’ll have to tell you about Bachelor #3 tomorrow… maybe after my date with him!!

*leaves you hanging*

I just got word that my roomie got a new place for March, so me and Luna are going to be the sole inhabitants here in less than 2 months!

Heh, let the awkwardness ensue, eh?

I’m glad that she is leaving, however I would have preferred more notice and also more time. For purely selfish reasons, of course. Paying off my Granny plus paying full rent every month is going to be pretty tight–when I took on the loan I didn’t anticipate my roommate leaving!

—-

As I was writing this she came to talk to me about the moving out process, and asked if she could stay for an extra 5 days to make her moving easier.

I am not impressed.

She’s pleading and whining and making me out to be the bad guy because I told her that she would have to pay for those extra days. But you know what? Its business.

I’ve already offered to help her pack some of her things and suggested she move out early (March 1st is a Tuesday) if she doesn’t want to be stressed about stuff. Why should I have to put up with her and all her junk for 5 more days without compensation?

I’ve been nothing but giving, flexible and kind towards her, but I really have to look out for #1 sometimes, you know? Maybe if things had gone better for longer I would have let her stay, but frankly I don’t feel she deserves it after what I’ve gone through with her.

I’m particularly astounded that while she is asking me for charity and to let her stay for free, she is simultaneously calling me cold and heartless, saying that I don’t care about others the way that she does, that I’m not human, etc. Can you believe it?

Good riddance, I say! This is exactly why I want her to leave! Who insults someone as they’re trying to get a favour? She’s trying to guilt me into letting her stay but I’m not having it. She really needs to wake up and realize that she’s not the centre of the universe. I’m tired of babysitting her.

I’m amused at the thought of her on her own… I wonder how she is going to cope? Will she suddenly realize just how much me and all her past roommates have done for her?

Probably not. She’ll just find some other unwitting soul to prey upon.

———

I guess the upside of all of this is that I’m feeling good about myself. I’m able to laugh this off, and see clearly through all the shit she is spewing.

You know, having this perspective is awesome. Instead of getting all upset and stressed about the situation I held my ground, told her what I wanted and now I’m watching her try all her methods of manipulation on me.

So far we have guilt and whining. Next I am anticipating good behaviour and being nice to me (In the hopes I’ll relent and let her stay!). After she realizes that that isn’t going to work, she’ll probably be sullen, snippy and stop doing work around the house.

*sigh* it sucks that I’ll have to pick up all the slack towards the end, but I guess I’ve been doing that all along anyway. I just hope she doesn’t ruin or steal any of my stuff!

I confronted her about the FB posting and she says that she has been planning it for a while–she doesn’t like living so “far away” from the downtown core (We’re not really that far, but she used to live right in Chinatown so I guess it seems far to her).

I think this is probably the best solution. Neither of us get along with one another too much these days and we have a lot of grievances (Festivus, anyone? — my single Seinfeld reference).

We’re going to try and make it work and have an amicable parting of ways. This gives her some time to find a new place and move when the weather is better, and it gives me a chance to keep getting half the rent for a while longer. Now I don’t have to worry quite *as* much about the surgery repayment.

As an aside, she won’t believe me that she’s only paying half the rent… she thinks that $50 is too much to pay for internet, but we have the super internet… sooo frustrating to be called a cheat!

Even though it will be tight when she leaves, I’ll have a few months to create a buffer of savings to help me in the future when full rent and debt repayment overlap. I crunched the numbers today and after all fixed expenses+debt I’ll have about $500/mo left over to live. Does that sound do-able for a few months? My food expenses will be drastically decreased, mind you.

I’m still kind of pissed at her for a lot of things, but I think I just need to simmer down some more. Being angry makes me tired and makes my jaw hurt, and I have so many better things to do than be angry at a kid like her.

But we were supposed to do a gift exchange (her suggestion) and I special-ordered her some stuff that can’t be returned. Now she doesn’t want to do it. I don’t either, but what am I going to do with her stuff now that I’ve spent money on it? Grrrr.

She’s just too immature, self-centered and irresponsible for me to live with much longer. She doesn’t clean anything (I take care of 95% of the work around the house on a regular basis) and then complains the single time I don’t take the garbage out to her liking. She talks to me in a condescending way and tries to make me feel bad.

She uses my things without asking and takes advantage of me and my generous nature in numerous ways. She even makes me take care of her when she’s sick and give her MY medicine! She always wants to split costs “to be fair”, but only when it suits her. She’s currently pulling that stunt with my BBQ tank and I’m  pretty pissed off.

Anyway, there has been tension for a while. On Friday we had a rather nasty text message exchange (initiated by her because she can’t be bothered to speak to someone in person) which just sort of pushed me over the edge…

Since I’ve been on my antidepressants I’ve been growing my spine back. When she started living here I would let her walk all over me and bottle everything up. Now I’m starting to crack. I think she is noticing the difference and not liking it. I’m standing up for myself more and not taking as much of her shit.

Anyway, I spent the whole weekend furious over her and the whole situation (despite best efforts of myself and my bff to keep my mind off things). I’ve got a lot of pent up things I want to say to her and have been planning it since Sunday, but we have yet to cross paths at home.

Among the things I wanted to say was that she needs to either shape up or ship out. I’m tired of her attitude and irresponsibility. Tired of everything.

Rather than kicking her out right away (as my friends suggest) I was planning to let her stay if she could shape up… While regularly I wouldn’t need her half of the rent to carry my apartment, for the next few months having it would be much easier… I have to start repaying my surgery loan from my Granny which will be a big chunk of my budget (28% to be exact!) every month.

She did send me an “apology” email, but I don’t believe it’s very sincere. I didn’t really reply to it other than to ask if she was home soon so we could talk. Here it is for your viewing pleasure:

“Hey, I wanted to talk to you tonight. I just wanted to say sorry about Friday. I feel pretty bad about it, and the whole spiel was entirely unnecessary. I feel crummy. Don’t want any bad blood between us. I could be more understanding, and I’m working on it. We live together, being in harmony is a way better option than being hostile and tense all over. I want things to be good between us, and I apologize.

And I hope you have a stellar week next week.”

Now, for the twist

My roommate wrote a cryptic status update on her Facebook wall this morning, then followed it up with a comment in another language. I translated this comment and discovered that she’s planning to move out in Feb and hasn’t even told me yet!

This is a huge complication for me!

Here is what she wrote:
Roommate: yes, the eclipse is working its lunar magic. And I’ve made a decision.
Friend: an eclipse today or yesterday?
Roommate: already been! sorry, I’ll write about Berlin. I first wrote the e-mail with people to make reservations. I need to ask your advice about Apartments in the room or I’ll rentovat. you just can stay with me, and then we shall understand how much to pay. All write! I’ve got a crisis now – I’m trying to decide whether to move to my new Apartment in February or not. I think so. Have you ever moved in the winter?

At this point I don’t really know what to do. We have agreed to meet in person at home on Wednesday evening to sort things out between us, but I don’t know how to handle this situation.

Do I confront her about wanting to move out? I mean… I DO want her to move out, just not straight away.

Do I start in with a conversation about the lack of work and consideration she has, and then see what she says? (Oh… I’m planning to move out)

Is there a compromise in there somewhere? February is a crappy time to move. I would like rent for a little longer and she would likely want better weather to move. Do I suggest that we agree to live together until March or April, and then split amicably?

WHAT DO I DO???

Here’s what happened.

After writing the post, I tried to get some sleep. Despite my confidence in self-defense and smart thinking, I was definitely uneasy. I locked myself in and made sure I knew where all my weapons were and ran through in my head what I would do if he tried to get in and go for the booze.

Lucky for me, he was passed out in the guest room for the whole night.

In the morning before work I spoke with him about the night before. By this point he was sober and sincerely sorry about his behavior. He apologized profusely.

I told him that I wanted to be reimbursed for the bottle he opened (Jameson ain’t cheap, my friends!) and he agreed and said he would also make it up to me.

I left for work (after locking my door of course) and felt a little better. I was still a little worried about the whole situation and whether to let him stay or not and decided to evaluate things when I got home.

Later that night, Mr. Singapore came home and apologized to me again, presenting me with a new bottle of Jameson, flowers and a bottle of wine for my troubles. Very nice! I tried not to let things get too awkward because I knew he was trying to make amends so I kept up a steady stream of chatter to smooth things over.

My roommate and I decided he could stay for the rest of the week as long as he stayed clean. He did the responsible thing and attended local AA meetings and called his wife, so I felt ok about this.

However I realize just how lucky things were for us. I think in the future I need to evaluate guests more closely and am going to stick to couples and female guests only. My parents were pretty horrified when I told them this story.

It was a good lesson learned for sure, and made me think about things a lot more. I will still use the Airbnb service for future bookings (they answered my panicked email quickly and had my back on any decision I made) but I will definitely be more careful!

This week we are hosting a 44 year old business man who flew in from Singapore to visit his family in the GTA.

I wasn’t around to receive him, but my roommate was. I was out at an event and came home to her frantically miming me to check my phone messages.

Turns out the guy is an alcoholic and showed up drunk at our door, which made my roomie quite uncomfortable. By the time I got home she assured me that she was ok with this guy and that he could stay, but after what just happened I am not so sure.

We all talked a little and he seems like a nice but very troubled man. I feel for him, I do.

But I wasn’t sure how to feel when I discovered that the Jameson whiskey my best friend gave me for xmas yesterday went missing while I was in my room.

Turns out Mr. Singapore was hiding in the bathroom with the light off, drinking my whiskey.

NOT COOL.

Thank goodness my iron spine has been growing back lately!

I confronted him and retrieved my whiskey and an apology. I discussed with him that that is completely unacceptable and that that kind of behaviour is not allowed here. I told him that instead of stealing our booze he should reach out and talk to one of us if he has the urge. Roomie is already going to an AA meeting with him tomorrow to help support him.

I also told him that I was taking all our booze to my office and/or locking it up so he couldn’t get at it. I told him that we had no other drugs or cigarettes in our home either. I know from experience that you just can’t trust an alcoholic of this degree. (Not knocking all alkies, but this guy is pretty bad if he can’t control himself at a stranger’s home)

Roomie and I rushed around while he was out for a smoke, gathering up all of our booze. Shit son, I have a LOT! Plus I still had wine left over from my party yesterday… I probably have over 30 bottles of alcohol in my bedroom right now.

I have a lock on my door (and am currently locked in my room for the night) and I really hope he doesn’t know how to pick those little door knob locks because the deadbolt on my door isn’t working right now.

I don’t really know what to do with this situation. I feel bad for the guy and want to help him while he’s here, but I also don’t want my things stolen from me or rifled through. I don’t feel endangered by him, it’s just how he took my booze that bothered me.

What would you do in this situation?

But I need to write it anyway.

Secretly, I was counting on my grandad to come through with all or most of the money for my Slimband surgery. My mom (who knows him best) was convinced that he would be generous; he’s old, has no other family has loads of money and doesn’t do anything with it. He was there at my birth.

Generous is not a word I would use to describe my grandad at this point.

I don’t know what happened. My mom and I thought that he would give at least $1000 to help me out (if not more!). His daughter was a 500lb obese woman who recently passed away. He knows what it’s like to see someone suffer due to their weight.

Instead, I got $350 from him.

My parents didn’t even call to tell me because they didn’t know how to process this. We’re stunned.

I mean, don’t get me wrong; I respect the fact that it is his money and his choice, and I am grateful for anything that he is willing to give me… but at the same time I’m just stunned that the amount is so low, when he has so many reasons to give more. I can’t fathom his reasoning. Personally I suppose I am more of the helping-mind, I am always trying to help others, make or give them things. Especially family, I would go to the ends of the world for them. If this were me, I would have given a substantial amount to my family member.

I’m so conflicted. I’m happy for the $350 but not, you know what I mean? I don’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth.

I was just really expecting more (whether that was right or wrong to do so). $350 isn’t even a drop in the bucket when I’m looking at $16,000.

So now I’ve got to find another way to pay for this procedure. I’ve already made a $3000 non-refundable deposit so I’m committed now.

I think I can afford another $3000, and in light of the grandad situation, my parents have decided to give me $3000 also. So I only need about $6600 more to cover it all.

I have the option of borrowing from my granny, but (what is up with rich old people? Are they all miserly like my family?!?!) I would have to pay her interest. Can you believe that?

So now I’m off trying to research interest rates for personal loans. I’ll take that info and negotiate with my grandmother and try and get a better rate. Like a bank. Not like family.

How sad, and cold.

I seriously think my larger family is fucked up when it comes to money. We know a lot about it but our attitudes are bizarre; where is the balanced, happy medium in life???