I finally went on a date with someone this past weekend, and we had a good time. He was a gentleman and sweet, and things were good. I’ve got the whole intimacy issues thing but he managed to go in for the kill and we kissed… a lot.

I thought everything was going well! He was talking about going ice skating and seeing movies together!

This morning I wake up to a text essentially dumping me (I know it was one date, but there was the implicit promise of more!).

So yeah. Dumped.

The reason why?

My religion.

Ouch. Never saw that one coming.

This guy is a super devout Christian and through a strange twist of fate our religious choices entered the scene over dinner. I don’t feel like writing all the details, but he seemed fine with me being Pagan after I explained to him what it was. He even asked if I was ok with him being Christian… weird.

I thought he was ok with everything (the many many kisses and tender touches didn’t state otherwise!) but I guess he wasn’t.

I wasn’t super hot for him, just enough to be ok with a second date to see where things go, so this isn’t a huge loss. If I look on the bright side it was at least nice to be kissed by someone, and also find out early on that it wouldn’t work, rather than investing more emotions and time into things.

But it still hurts. I thought I had finally become normal, but I guess not.

Remember my post about Bachelors #1 and #2?

#1 guy just called me! WTF!

He said he was calling “to apologize”…. though for what I don’t know! At first he said he was sorry for not calling me sooner, but I really wonder. It’s been over a month since he should have called me. Plus, I know about his gf now and told him so.

He just sort of went “uhhh…. yeah…” I’m not sure if he was expecting me to know! At that point I just told him that I couldn’t go out with anyone that is seeing someone else, especially if the other girl doesn’t know!

Open, consenting relationships are one thing, but if she doesn’t know he’s dating around, it’s not cool in my books.

Fingers crossed he got the message!

No matter how much I want to get out there and start dating, I can’t go out with deceptive people like that. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

haha I love this random image

Yeah, so here’s my update.

I went on that date with Mr. Lawyer from POF. He was nice enough I guess, but I didn’t really feel any attraction. He was totally into me though which was nice. We started off with a drink at one place, moved to dinner at another, then finished with Starbucks before I wanted to head home.

He was polite and offered to pay for everything (I ended up getting free dinner though because there was something wrong with my dish so he didn’t pay, and I offered to pay for Starbucks) and also offered to drive me home, but I declined.

There wasn’t really anything wrong with him per se, other than I think he was just trying too hard to be charming and suave. But that’s a fault everyone has. I also kept thinking about Mr. Wolf and comparing the two, which of course is a bad idea.

So anyway, don’t know what’s happening with Mr. Lawyer. I suppose if he calls me again I might try going out with him to see if he’s a little different. If not, oh well. My friend’s husband said I did all the right things on the date which is reassuring. My major hangup is that I don’t know how to go on a date. So this was a learning experience. I felt almost normal. Weird.

Onto the man with the delicious wolfish grin.

So I called and left him a message on Wed. night letting him know that I’m not working in the industry anymore, and then also following up about the party invitation for tomorrow.

He called me today on his lunch (waking me up from a daydream about him, funny enough!) and we talked about why I left my job and my plans, etc. blah blah blah.

Then I turned it to more personal topics and he told me he couldn’t come to the party. He had a decent excuse but I’m still bummed. I should have expected it though, things have never worked out for me before, why should they now?

He said he still wanted to share food photos and descriptions with me, but when I suggested we also check out some resto’s and stuff too, he didn’t seem too into that. I don’t feel that I was coming on too strongly or anything. If he wants to be friends or bond over this food stuff or whatever, I am treating him the same as if he was one of my gal pals with the same interests. Why is getting all weird over that?

I told him I thought he was interesting at some point in the conversation and he said thanks but the convo sort of fell flat. I wish I remembered more details for you all! Anyway I told him to give me a call if he wanted to hang out, and that I would re-send him the recipe & photo he wanted to see. He mumbled something about being really busy, or lack of time or whatever. Wahh wahh. Rejection! Way to make me feel important, bro…

So that’s it. I guess yet another crush has fallen flat, and I have once again found myself in the friend category. I just don’t get it! I have tits! I’m a model! Why don’t guys want to date me?

I even called my brother to ask him his opinion on this. He thinks that Mr. Wolf either a) just wants to be friends, b) is really shy but still possibly likes me or c) still might be closet-gay. This doesn’t really help me.

Bah! Can someone please find me a good man in Toronto????

I met him recently on Plenty of Fish (gahh I know) but his email was good, his follow up better, and he was able to chat just fine!

Turns out he’s a lawyer and lives nearby. He’s around 30, can carry a conversation and is tall! He’s ok in the looks department but not as handsome as Mr. Wolf.

So we chatted online for a bit and then he basically asked me if I’d like to go for drinks this week. I figure why not, I’m turning a new leaf. Even if we don’t end up hitting it off, at least I tried, right?

We exchanged phone numbers and then he gave me a call and we talked for maybe 45 minutes before I had to run out to a birthday party. He seems pretty normal and I’m actually looking forward to going out with him tomorrow. He had the right amount of compliments/flattery for me which was refreshing. I still can’t accept compliments, especially if they’re false-sounding or there’s just too many of them. Either he struck a balance or I’m finally starting to accept them properly.

So that’s my rundown. I reaaaaaaallllly want to bag Mr. Wolf, but I’m still open to meeting other people. I think that if nothing disastrous happens tomorrow, I’ll see the lawyer again… just for practice. I need to get used to being around people, being comfortable in my skin and flirting! Guys are uncharted territory for me!

Then, if this party pans out with Mr. Wolf on Friday (still don’t know if he’s coming for sure!) then I’ll have a whole new set of circumstances to consider!

My oh my!

Bachelor #1

My bff is so desperate to see me go on a date that she tried to set me up with a guy at her job. Ok, I go along with it. It would be a good “practice date”.

He sends me some bizarre emails after creeping me on facebook, but never calls me even after she gives him my number. Ok… weird. I don’t really care much since I wasn’t really into him, I’m mostly just trying to push my personal boundaries these days and this would have been a good exercise.

It’s a good thing I never did go out with him! My bff tells me over drinks later that he was already engaged to another girl! Sheesh! Who does that??? I feel so bad for the girl he is going to marry

Bachelor #2

Ok, this is one that I’m still not sure about. Opinions requested! (some of you may remember my Mr. Darcy, this feels sort of similar… hmmm…)

“Wolf” is a sales rep that I work with. I am one of his clients. A couple weeks ago he took me for lunch at the Keg (after determining that we were both really, really into steak). I really like this guy. He’s cute/hot, well dressed & groomed, interesting to talk to and makes me giggle like a schoolgirl.

We had a really fantastic lunch together with wine & red meat. Mmmm. Well, as it turns out, we both share a passion for food and cooking, hosting, entertaining, etc. among other things. Somehow we got talking about BBQ and we invited each other over to our places “whenever we have our next BBQ”. I know Wolf is single, and bff has verified that he’s not gay (For some reason I am attracted to a lot of gay guys… must be the good hygiene!) so I’m starting to wonder where this is going.

He decides to add me to facebook right away via his phone at the table. Woohoo!

We finish our lunch (even though I can tell that neither of us wants to!) and head back to work. Later that day I got a message from him on Facebook:

Subject: Dinner Photos

 

“Hey Ginger,

 

After talking food this aft, I remembered reading about people who take photos of their meals and blog about them and I always wanted to do it.

If you’re up for it, I was hoping we could trade meal pics and descriptions. I’m a little nervous by the thought of it but I think’d be fun.

Let me know your thoughts.

Ciao”

Ok blogging friends, what do you think of this? Is it even worth reading into? At this point I can’t tell if he really just wants to talk to someone about food because it’s interesting; or if he’s into me and wants a reason to stay in contact; or if maybe he just has a fat girl+food fetish.

I reply back saying that it sounds kinda funny but cool and mention that I’ve heard of this before (duh, I sort of do this already on here!). I tell him I’m sending over my crockpot lasagna recipe & photos and do so, but through his hotmail address.

And then I never hear back.

BUT!

Maybe I can excuse this behaviour? His company was throwing a huge party the following Thursday, and I’m sure that he was involved in making it happen in addition to his other client service stuff during the week. Perhaps that is why I never got a response via email or FB?

The good news is  that I was invited to that party, so of course I fantasized about seeing him all week… *sigh*

I enlisted the help of my bff and we stormed that party in all our hotness. After a few rounds at the bar I finally located Wolf and got a chance to talk/shout over the music with him. Bff graciously left us alone (well, as alone as you can get in a club). He said that his phone was acting up this week and that is his normal method of accessing FB, hence the lack of reply. I didn’t remember at the time to ask him why he didn’t reply to my old-fashioned email instead…

Anyway, I was a little drunk and A LOT touchy-feely that night. So I touched him. Yup, I actually crossed that self-imposed line! I reached out and touched someone! OMG his skin is SO SOFT. I just wanted to rub/lick/do naughty things to it all night. But we’re technically at a work party, so that was out of the question. Plus, I still don’t really know if he’s into me or not. We talk, and I re-invite him to this awesome Alice in Wonderland themed party I’m going to next week (this week) and he says he’ll come as the Mad Hatter!!! I’m so excited.

I can’t really remember what else we talked about, but I was able to casually bump arms and stuff with him throughout our conversation, which is pretty good for me since I’m usually anti-touch by default. Progress!

Anyway, a bunch of other stuff happened (took a bunch of photos with him at the photo booth, some VERY questionable in content!) but what it all boils down to is that I still don’t know if he is into me or not. He was a little drunk, trying to schmooze with everyone (it’s his job), performing his sales rep duties, and my bff thinks that he was a little geeky & awkward, so maybe that’s why he wasn’t reciprocating towards me? I’ve talked about the difficulties of  sales rep/client relationships before.

He didn’t pull away from my touches, but he didn’t really touch me back. Is that bad?

Anyway, I haven’t heard from him since the party. I am assuming that he’ll be coming out this Friday but wonder if I should follow up with him or not. I really DO want him to come because I think it will be a great time and a chance for us to get to know one another outside of work. Plus, I can tell him that I’m leaving the industry. That will be the real litmus test. If he’s actually into me, it should make it easier for him since there are no business lines to cross anymore. On the other hand, if he was only flirting with me to get my money, his attentions will abruptly drop off.

So yeah. A nice, big, complicated story. My friends and I have no idea what to make of him for now. I don’t want to get my hopes up too much, but it felt like something might have been there. Once I leave the industry things might make more sense (compared to Mr. Darcy) since Wolf is single, my age and into similar things. I also think he is secretly a geek masquerading as a hot dude. But I’m ok with that. I’m sort of doing the same thing, or trying to!

Whew. This got really long. I’ll have to tell you about Bachelor #3 tomorrow… maybe after my date with him!!

*leaves you hanging*

Does it signify an unhealthy obsession, or something deeper?

As much as I have tried to steel myself against it, Mr. Darcy keeps popping into my head and it’s driving me mad. Out of all the things I am dealing with right now, why does this have to pop up?

Nothing is going to happen there. So why do I keep yearning for him? Why can’t I get over this?

…and more importantly, why can’t I ever get the guy?

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There’s been a huge spate of marriages and random child-birthings I’ve heard or seen about via Facebook. None are people I was particularly close to but ones I knew well enough to have on FB on the first place.

On one hand I am really happy for them all. Finding your partner for life or welcoming a new baby is truly wonderful.

But it makes me feel pretty sad. I can’t even get a date when all these people I know not only have boyfriends and girlfriends, but are also getting married, and sometimes even having kids.

It seems like every day there is a new “name” on my FB page. I have no idea who they are until I see that it’s an old friend or acquaintance who got married & took her husband’s name.

I just don’t understand why I can’t even get asked out on a date, when at this age everyone is getting married and popping out babies. It’s not like I don’t want to find a boyfriend, or that I’m overly involved in my career.

My life goals include finding my mate, running my own business and having kids. All of which is totally possible to do.

I’m just feeling really down right now. It’s a bittersweet feeling when you find out your friends have everything that you want, and you have no idea if or when it’s going to happen for you.

I feel like I’m the last one to be picked for dodgeball teams all over again. Except that this time it actually matters.

• Lavalife
• POF
• OkCupid
• Match
• Lemontonic
• eHarmony
• TangoWire

I thought I did everything right… the night was going ok, BB and I were making smalltalk in between songs about random things. Aside from a few awkward silences it seemed like he was having a nice time.

About halfway through I knew that he didn’t really think of me as dating material–he never asked me anything about myself and only talked about his friends and his apartment. But I never figured that he would just get up and practically run away at the end of the concert.

Now that it’s over I can tell you that we went to see Tool. They’re known for not doing encores. However this time you could tell they would, and they did (played one of my fave songs, too). Right after the last song, but before the encore (the “false end”) BB said he was going to go meet up with his friends and try to get home. He was practically pushing me out of the way as he left.

I thought we’d at least be walking to the TTC station together, if not going most of the way home, since he lives nearby. But he just took off without even waiting to see if there was an encore, and he didn’t even say goodbye or anything!!!!!!!

I mean, all I expected was a simple “I had a great time, it was nice to meet you, thanks for the ticket”. I got nothing but the wind he created as he rushed by.

I’m feeling pretty dejected right now.

The ride home was tourture. It was all I could do to keep the tears back as I watched all the happy couples around me flirting and snuggling and just being couples. I sat alone, in a single seat, all by myself. Truly the story of my life: The Loner.

I just don’t understand why this happens to me. Why don’t any guys like me? I’ve been agonizing over this for years and the general consensus from all my friends is that I’m not really doing anything wrong. They tell me I’m actually quite beautiful and that they were attracted to me because of my personality. My friend J, who is married to B said that if he hadn’t been attached that he would have asked me to dinner after he met me.

So what’s the deal? They’re my friends… can I even trust what they say if all I get is shit results?

I’ve tried looking. I’ve tried making an effort to meet people. I’ve tried NOT looking (“when you finally stop looking, you will find love”) I’ve tried EVERYTHING. And still I am left alone. And a stupid guy wants to get away from me so bad that he doesn’t even finish the night with the common pleasantries.

I’m feeling pretty awful about myself right now. How would you feel if you were me?

I should have picked the girl instead.