I’m not going to lie, I’ve been feeling a little stressed about my friend T’s wedding and related activities. Money has been tight with me lately and now I’ve got to get my eyes zapped again in the middle of the month (more on that later) and she has just told me of another cost I’m going to have to incur for her wedding (All wedding party members must supply a gift for the raffle/door prizes at the stag & doe).
I’m feeling overwhelmed and snappy, so I think I need to sit back and crunch some numbers to see what the revised costs of this wedding fiasco are. I feel as though it’s getting too expensive for me… I want to be the good friend that doesn’t let her down, that goes the extra mile, but I’m becoming frustrated because I’m expected to pay for all this stuff that I don’t feel I should have to pay for. My parents have also pointed out the following:
“You’re doing all this stuff and spending all this time and money on her, stretching yourself thin. Plus you have to travel so far to do all this. Do you really think she would do the same for you? Do you think she would run around to 3 wedding showers, spend all that money on a bachelorette and still go to a stag & doe and spend money while also donating a gift? I don’t think so.”
That was from my mom. Yes, I consider T my best friend and I want to do right by her, but my mom has an excellent point. I have a tendency to go the extra mile for people, but then it is never, ever reciprocated to me, and I end up getting hurt. I do all these nice things for other people, and therefore have higher expectations of my friends and family. If I do it, why can’t they?
But as I’ve learned time and time again, most people are just not as considerate as me. This makes me bitter, angry and sad. I know T has done some really nice things for me in the past and will probably continue to do so in the future; but if I’ve learned anything it’s that you can’t count on anyone for anything.
Which is why I am currently feeling this way about the wedding. She’s asking a lot of me and I don’t think it would ever be reciprocated to me.
Now I want to talk about the events and what is “expected of me” versus what I think I’m actually going to do.
Expected: To show up to the 2 of them this weekend with a gift. Probably also to go out to dinner and/or shopping with T (something I usually enjoy but can’t afford right now). Or, sit around while I wait for the stupid things to be over. I don’t really want to go to them, I’m sure I’ll be bored stiff. I will also feel awkward because I’m sort of the odd one out… it’s T’s family and local friends who all know each other and I’m the outsider.
What I will do: I’ll go, but I’m only bringing one gift, and will bring my Jenny food to eat. I won’t be able to go shopping or pay for anything additional for T. It’s still going to cost me to travel though.
Stag & Doe
Expected: To pay for a ticket, then pay for a lot of drinks to help them raise money. Also to pay for a gift to be raffled off. I hate the idea of a stag & doe, it just a money grab and I find it offensive. If you can’t pay for your wedding, then make it smaller! They invite everyone, literally. Even if you’re not invited to the wedding you’re invited to the stag & doe. Ugh. Apparently this is a common thing with small town folk though, so I’ll have to go along with it. I still don’t like it and it just means more money flowing from my pockets.
What I will do: I’m not going to buy a ticket. And I’m not going to buy any drinks that night either. I either won’t drink, or will mooch off the boys at the party. I’ve bought a $15 item to be raffled off, and that’s all I’m going to contribute, other than my time and effort. I will also bring my Jenny food. I’m still considering whether to even go or not. My mom thinks I should make an excuse not to go
Raffle prize: $15
Expected: To give a nice gift, be a bridesmaid. Also to pay for my dress, shoes, hair, makeup, nails and pedicure, as well as travel expenses, possibly including a cab ride from the middle of nowhere (expensive!).
What I will do: I’m making a special gift for T that will probably cost me around $80 to do. I figure that’s an adequate gift, and will have meaning for her. I will do the bridesmaid thing, but hopefully will be able to carpool with M on the way down to save on gas. I’ll also be staying with her at her mom’s so I don’t need a hotel room. As for hair, I’ll have to pay to get that done because I suck at it. Nails, too. Pedicure I will do myself if I have to, and makeup as well. Though the makeup will probably be done by a Mary Kay girl… but if she’s not as good as me then I will do it. I’m also going to try my darndest not to have to pay for a cab ride anywhere. Out in the boonies it is sure to be expensive.
Cash bar: $45
Bachelorette is done, it cost me about $150.
Wedding Fiasco Grand Total: $1,117
*sigh* That sucks. I was hoping to cut costs even more, but I’ve done most of what I can. I don’t know whether it’s worth mentioning this to T. On one hand, I don’t think she realizes how much her wedding is costing the rest of us. On the other hand, I don’t want to stress her out or piss her off either. I really wish she knew how much this was costing us so that we could all work together on reducing costs.
If you have been a bridesmaid before (or even a bride!), how much did you spend on the whole wedding dealy-o? What do you suppose is a reasonable amount? Am I right on track, spending more or less than what it probably should be?
What would you do?