I’m planning a total recap of the cost of being a bridesmaid shortly…
For now though I will list the most recent spending I have done that falls under my “Wedding Costs” umbrella:
Facial, eye brow/lash tint: $89
Gift packaging: $6
I’m not going to lie, I’ve been feeling a little stressed about my friend T’s wedding and related activities. Money has been tight with me lately and now I’ve got to get my eyes zapped again in the middle of the month (more on that later) and she has just told me of another cost I’m going to have to incur for her wedding (All wedding party members must supply a gift for the raffle/door prizes at the stag & doe).
I’m feeling overwhelmed and snappy, so I think I need to sit back and crunch some numbers to see what the revised costs of this wedding fiasco are. I feel as though it’s getting too expensive for me… I want to be the good friend that doesn’t let her down, that goes the extra mile, but I’m becoming frustrated because I’m expected to pay for all this stuff that I don’t feel I should have to pay for. My parents have also pointed out the following:
“You’re doing all this stuff and spending all this time and money on her, stretching yourself thin. Plus you have to travel so far to do all this. Do you really think she would do the same for you? Do you think she would run around to 3 wedding showers, spend all that money on a bachelorette and still go to a stag & doe and spend money while also donating a gift? I don’t think so.”
That was from my mom. Yes, I consider T my best friend and I want to do right by her, but my mom has an excellent point. I have a tendency to go the extra mile for people, but then it is never, ever reciprocated to me, and I end up getting hurt. I do all these nice things for other people, and therefore have higher expectations of my friends and family. If I do it, why can’t they?
But as I’ve learned time and time again, most people are just not as considerate as me. This makes me bitter, angry and sad. I know T has done some really nice things for me in the past and will probably continue to do so in the future; but if I’ve learned anything it’s that you can’t count on anyone for anything.
Which is why I am currently feeling this way about the wedding. She’s asking a lot of me and I don’t think it would ever be reciprocated to me.
Now I want to talk about the events and what is “expected of me” versus what I think I’m actually going to do.
Expected: To show up to the 2 of them this weekend with a gift. Probably also to go out to dinner and/or shopping with T (something I usually enjoy but can’t afford right now). Or, sit around while I wait for the stupid things to be over. I don’t really want to go to them, I’m sure I’ll be bored stiff. I will also feel awkward because I’m sort of the odd one out… it’s T’s family and local friends who all know each other and I’m the outsider.
What I will do: I’ll go, but I’m only bringing one gift, and will bring my Jenny food to eat. I won’t be able to go shopping or pay for anything additional for T. It’s still going to cost me to travel though.
Stag & Doe
Expected: To pay for a ticket, then pay for a lot of drinks to help them raise money. Also to pay for a gift to be raffled off. I hate the idea of a stag & doe, it just a money grab and I find it offensive. If you can’t pay for your wedding, then make it smaller! They invite everyone, literally. Even if you’re not invited to the wedding you’re invited to the stag & doe. Ugh. Apparently this is a common thing with small town folk though, so I’ll have to go along with it. I still don’t like it and it just means more money flowing from my pockets.
What I will do: I’m not going to buy a ticket. And I’m not going to buy any drinks that night either. I either won’t drink, or will mooch off the boys at the party. I’ve bought a $15 item to be raffled off, and that’s all I’m going to contribute, other than my time and effort. I will also bring my Jenny food. I’m still considering whether to even go or not. My mom thinks I should make an excuse not to go
Raffle prize: $15
Expected: To give a nice gift, be a bridesmaid. Also to pay for my dress, shoes, hair, makeup, nails and pedicure, as well as travel expenses, possibly including a cab ride from the middle of nowhere (expensive!).
What I will do: I’m making a special gift for T that will probably cost me around $80 to do. I figure that’s an adequate gift, and will have meaning for her. I will do the bridesmaid thing, but hopefully will be able to carpool with M on the way down to save on gas. I’ll also be staying with her at her mom’s so I don’t need a hotel room. As for hair, I’ll have to pay to get that done because I suck at it. Nails, too. Pedicure I will do myself if I have to, and makeup as well. Though the makeup will probably be done by a Mary Kay girl… but if she’s not as good as me then I will do it. I’m also going to try my darndest not to have to pay for a cab ride anywhere. Out in the boonies it is sure to be expensive.
Cash bar: $45
Bachelorette is done, it cost me about $150.
Wedding Fiasco Grand Total: $1,117
*sigh* That sucks. I was hoping to cut costs even more, but I’ve done most of what I can. I don’t know whether it’s worth mentioning this to T. On one hand, I don’t think she realizes how much her wedding is costing the rest of us. On the other hand, I don’t want to stress her out or piss her off either. I really wish she knew how much this was costing us so that we could all work together on reducing costs.
If you have been a bridesmaid before (or even a bride!), how much did you spend on the whole wedding dealy-o? What do you suppose is a reasonable amount? Am I right on track, spending more or less than what it probably should be?
What would you do?
Just for perspective, I was estimating the personal cost to be somewhere around $200 each for the weekend, since it was only M and I picking up the tab.
M and I drove up to Vaughan Mills to pick T up. We took her by surprise, she thought she was going to visit her fiancés friend that weekend instead! We stopped at a Pizza Hut on the way back because she wanted some. We saved money by having water to drink and sharing the garlic bread, medium pizza and salad.
Once back at my place, we broke out some of the booze we had purchased earlier and did a few shots, then moved onto a nice bottle of wine and a card game/drinking game/girltalk for the rest of the night. M and I had purchased snacks in bulk and booze earlier in the day.
We had a nice bacon & eggs breakfast at home, then headed out to the St. Lawrence Market to do some shopping and pick up the food for dinner that evening. A great experience and we saved a small fortune by purchasing exactly what we wanted for dinner and cooking our steaks and veggies at home. Not to mention much of our food was local, which is good for the environment and our pocketbooks!
We did head out to a pub for lunch, but once again cut costs by drinking only water, and M and I shared a lunch entrée.
After lunch, we headed back to my place and watched a movie I already owned, bummed around then made our supper. It turned out quite delicious! T wasn’t feeling very well so we decided to stay in for the evening, and played cards all night instead.
Another leisurely breakfast at home followed by an outing to the Eaton Centre (it was pissing rain that day). I am particularly proud of the fact that I did not purchase anything new on the trip, despite seeing several fashions and new purses I thought I would die without. I did spend about $5 on lunch in the food court, but T’s was free because M had some gift certificates to use at Quiznos.
Soon after we made a stop at the MAC on Bloor since T especially wanted to visit it. I ended up buying 2 new shadows, but I consider those an investment. I also abstained from buying the matching eyeliner. T paid for her own purchases in this case.
Following the makeup lessons at MAC, I took both of the ladies to the Windsor Arms Hotel for High Tea. There really wasn’t a way to save money at this, so we just enjoyed it and made the most of it. What a lovely experience!
Next up, we went home for another meal, and also began primping and pre-drinking for our night on the town. T had no idea that we were taking her to a strip club! M’s sister and cousin joined us for drinks, then we all headed out to Remington’s Men of Steel to catch a few buff men! What a hoot! Although it was much too expensive to drink ($6.75 for a basic drink) we had a blast. Saved money by only buying a couple of drinks each.
Now it was our turn to do the dancing, so we grabbed a quick cab over to Clubland and went to my usual haunt for some slightly cheaper drinks and cover charge. I introduced the girls to jagerbombs and we danced til closing.
Ok, so I’m at work as I write this so I don’t have exact costs for each thing that we did, but it all broke down to $145 each for M and I. Not bad for 3 people! We saved a lot by cooking and drinking at home, and also not renting movies when we could watch ones I had or play cards.
If you’re curious, the high tea costs $24 each for a cream tea which includes tea, 2 scones with Devon cream and petit fours. Yumm.
So, this past weekend was a long weekend for those of us in Canada and was therefore the perfect weekend to have a bachelorette party!
I’ve mentioned before that my best friend T is getting married in August. I am one of her bridesmaids, so me and M (another one) put our heads together and planned a bachelorette for her.
Our activities included:
– copious amounts of drinking on all 3 days
– card games & drinking games
– High Tea
– a male strip club!
We started on Friday and went all the way through to Monday… quite an accomplishment if you ask me! We also managed to do it rather frugally.
More details to follow!
For $85, then some scrapbooking supplies since T and I have decided to make a scrapbook about the two of us. Oi. After the mall we scooped up some videos (Pride & Prejudice, Practical Magic and The Mummy boxed set) at Best Buy and I grabbed a copy of Guitar Hero III for PS2 (which I returned today because I just couldn’t justify that amount of money…).
I think that’s mostly it for spending. Yesterday my mom put out a big spread for the extended family for Easter dinner. We had turkey and all the trimmings so I couldn’t pass that up either.
But today I’m trying to be a good girl in terms of eating and spending. I’ve stuck mostly to my Jenny diet and haven’t spent much money yet today.
I haven’t done a total tally of how much my weekend cost me, but I’m estimating around $250 all told. Hopefully less than that though.
I hope you all had a great holiday, I’ll have to check all your blogs to see what you did!
Oh yes, thanks to all the new commenters and readers on my blog, I’m happy to know that you like my ramblings!
Ahhh, today Toronto is blessed with some sunshine! It makes me happy! It seems we are indeed slowly inching our way to spring… however the wind is a bitch! It was quite fridgid as I was walking this afternoon.
Anyway, today was kind of odd. Last night M and I went out to an Edge 102.1 event at The Great Hall. Jameson Irish Whiskey was hosting the party with some live bands, and I sure do love a fine splash of Jameson, so I rustled up some tickets. I thought it would be a good way to bond with M since we have a lot to do for T’s wedding.
We had a good night dancing and listening to one of the bands, and we hung out with some of my friends from work. (And both of us had guys trying to pick us up throughout the night, which I got a kick out of–I was surprised that anyone was interested in me since I wasn’t really dressed up. However, I was wearing my super-cool Chairman Meow shirt. Hmmm….)
We got back to my place around 2:30am, so M spent the night. All was well in the land of Ginger. However, this morning I woke up to find no M! She had split before 9am to get back to her place in Newmarket, with no note or knock on my door. Strange! I was totally at a loss as to where she went, I swear to dog it looked like she hadn’t even been here last night… I called her frantically and left a message asking where she was. Later on I found an email from her saying she had a great time and just had a lot of things to do today.
Now, am I old-fashioned in thinking that was still pretty bizarre and rude? I mean, I went out and bought some milk just so she could have breakfast in the morning. Hrumph. I am still feeling a little bewildered.
She’s a nice girl, but that was just… odd.
What do you think?