What does it mean when you can’t get the thought of someone out of your head? Does it mean something is wrong with you? Or right with you?

Does it signify an unhealthy obsession, or something deeper?

As much as I have tried to steel myself against it, Mr. Darcy keeps popping into my head and it’s driving me mad. Out of all the things I am dealing with right now, why does this have to pop up?

Nothing is going to happen there. So why do I keep yearning for him? Why can’t I get over this?

…and more importantly, why can’t I ever get the guy?

You’ve probably noticed that I haven’t been around much lately.

For good reason!

I am busier than I think I have ever been in my life before, and I’m grappling with a lot of change at the same time. All this adjustment I have to go through is very draining. At the end of the day I just want to go home and go to bed, so blogging has been swept to the side for the time being.

It’s a difficult yet transformative time for me right now. I am playing so many roles and dealing with so many things right now

• trying to do the job of 4 people at work & trying to work with a new boss that I’m not totally sure about
• while simultaneously trying to get a promotion or raise or something that will keep me motivated as I continue to question whether I am really doing the right thing in my life
• supporting 2 separate (yet joined!) friends as they struggle with issues ranging from marital discord to alcoholism and my odd feelings of being left out as they dash full speed ahead into a new friendship
• finding a new roommate now that my old one has given notice (mega stress! I’m really doing well with the applications considering it has only been 2 weeks, but I hate the instability!)
• dealing with the re-emergence of low-grade depression where everything I once loved I now have no interest in
• Feeling generally fatter than normal
• breaking in a new cat while trying not to feel as if I have passed over my other two cats I left with my parents

You see? There is a ton going on that I’m trying my best to deal with right now. I guess I should be thankful at this point that I don’t have a boyfriend, right?

While blogging has always been therapeutic for me (and still is) I just haven’t been able to bring myself to post anything earth-shattering (or slightly amusing!) in a while. Sorry.

To make up for my absence I offer you pictures of my new cat, Sheba (The Queen of):

Looking regal, as always

Pfft! No more photos! It's time for my nap!

Tonight I’m going to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

…but not for me.

It’s truthfully for a good friend of mine whose drinking has been affecting her family lately. Things sort of came to a head this weekend and she made the decision to go to a meeting. She told me this morning so I offered to go with her.

I want to support her and help her get better for her sake, and for her family’s sake.

So I wanted to know if anyone out in the ether has been to an AA meeting for whatever purpose? What’s it like? How should I present myself?

I don’t know if friends are welcome to these meetings? What is the proper etiquette at these places? What should I be prepared for?

I would look it up myself but I’m at work and don’t want AA to show up across IT’s screen.

Wow, it’s been ages since I wrote a post. And I’ve only been on Twitter intermittently. My commenting on other blogs has also decreased…

I have just been so darn busy!

This year has been non-stop go-go-go! for me. This month is no exception! March has been crazy so far, but I also just haven’t felt like writing about anything in particular. It’s a weird time for me right now.

Anyway, here are some of the things that have been taking up my time lately:

• I just got a cat! I literally brought her home last night so I want to spend some time bonding with her. Not sure if this will affect my posting. I’ll probably post some photos of her though
• Work. Someone quit our team and it has created a ton of extra work for me. There have been other changes as well, plus I’m trying to get a promotion. Safe to say I have been living more at the office than at home these days.
• Social stuff. BBQ’s, dancing, all that fun stuff. I feel like I haven’t been doing enough of it lately…but at the same time, do I even have the time to budget to these things? Sometimes I just wanna let loose.
• Seeing family for birthdays, events, & going home for Dr. appointments
• I also had a lot of prep work for the photo shoot I did a couple of weekends ago. Still waiting to see the photos come back on that, but there should be a few nice ones

Other than those major things, I don’t know what else is sucking my time. I think I have just been craving some alone time lately. I’m sick of the computer and all the change that is happening to me (I like change in theory, but in practice it can be difficult!) so I’ve been withdrawing to my safe place for a while.

Sometimes, you just need to be alone. No computer, no friends, nothing but you and a good book for hours.

This is a little late in the writing, but a couple of weeks ago I was invited to a special beauty blogger event for CoverFX, a Canadian cosmetics company.

After snacking on some delicious appetizers and mini cupcakes, the creators of the brand took us through a bit of the company history and a demonstration of the product line.

In case you didn’t know, CoverFX was founded at Sunnybrook Hospital here in Ontario 25 years ago to help people with skin conditions (vitiligo, port wine stains, birthmarks, scars, rosacea, etc.). It was a line of clinical-grade foundations and powders that could cover almost anything and could be used anywhere on the body with great lasting coverage.

For someone like me with rosacea and acne to cover up, this product was actually recommended to me many years ago by my doctor. It goes on thick and covers up the redness and blemishes while nourishing the skin. It is sweat-proof, water resistant, and many of the formulas contain SPF as well.

At the event we were shown their newest product innovation, The Big Cover Up 3-step starter kit.

After we figured out which colour category we fell into (I’m C for cool pink!) we got to fiddle around with the testers and try it all out for ourselves.

I was honoured to have Lee Graff, co-creator of the brand do my face! She did it so quick and easily and I looked really dewy and fresh after!

The kit is actually really easy to use. I am really impressed that all the tools you need come in it; a lot of makeup “kits” usually require something extra like the brush or primer to do a great application. I was surprised to find that almost everything I needed came in the single kit, and for a decent price, too!

$79 gets you:

• Skinprep FX Nourishing Foundation Primer and Anti-Aging Serum
• Cover FX Total Coverage Cream Foundation (3 shades)
• Setting FX Translucent Setting Powder
• Foundation Brush with pointed tip
• How-to Instructional DVD featuring Lee Graff

A couple of days after the event, I used my gratis kit and did my face before work. Now I’m not going to lie… Lee Graff did an infinitely better job than I did! But she’s a pro that has been doing camouflage for years so I would expect nothing less!

I followed the instructions on the package and applied the three shades of foundation to my face going from light to medium to dark. I was a little scared of the dark shade at first because it’s SO DARK. But once you blend it in at the edges of your face, it really helps your features pop!

Overall I was pleased with the application and staying power of CoverFX. I used the primer and foundation brush provided to apply the base, then used the setting powder (alas! You will need your own powder brush for this!) and my own bronzer to finish the look. It stayed on well throughout the day (unfortunately I touch my face a lot out of habit so I would know!) and covered up the redness from rosacea on my cheeks.

One thing I will comment on is that it did feel a little bit heavy, and somewhat dewy or moist on my face all day. I don’t know if this is because the formula is different from what I am used to (I use mineral powders normally) or if I didn’t use enough setting powder. It might just be a personal thing but I wasn’t too keen on it.

I think I’m going to practice a bit more with my kit and see if I can get the contouring and highlighting that Lee showed me down pat. I’m considering using this for my photoshoot this weekend because I know it will cover everything and stay on between all my wardrobe changes!

Now I’m not a pro beauty blogger or makeup artist, but I looooovve makeup and would definitely recommend this product out of the many I have tried! It was easy to use and provided great coverage and you don’t have to work magic to get a great look. Perfect for the gal who just needs something a little nicer, or if you have a birthmark, scar, etc. to cover up. You can check out their site for more information on the other CoverFX products available.

(Edit: SWAK responded to my post, my follow-up review is located here)

Since becoming more active in the plus-size fashion community I have been making an effort to beef up my wardrobe with some key pieces that can be used over and over again.

But as well all know, fashion in general is expensive these days, and plus-size fashion is even more ridiculously overpriced. And if you live outside of the US you can pretty much forget about finding anything of quality at a good price in your stores!

So I sure was excited when I found plus size retailer Sealed With A Kiss Designs (SWAK), an online shop with some cute designs, affordable prices and free shipping worldwide! Yippee!! I had read some reviews of their clothing in the fatshionista! community and they sounded ok.

I quickly placed an order for a few things I had had my eye on for a while, confident that what I would receive would be of sufficient size and quality for me. I even checked my measurements to make sure I picked the right size. Now, for the price range that SWAK sells, I wasn’t expecting beautifully handmade items in natural fibres… but I DID expect something more than what I ended up getting

Here is what I ordered, and my thoughts.

Alicia Shirt Dress ($49.60 CAD)

Looks pretty cute, eh? I love shirt dresses, they look fantastic on me. I wanted another one in a lighter colour and this fit the bill for colour and price.

Unfortunately it didn’t fit the most important thing–ME.

I ordered it a size up from what I normally wear because I was afraid of sizing issues. It is easy for me to take something in, but if it’s too small there is nothing to be done!

When I tried this on I was so surprised! The damn thing was too small! Even in the bust area where I am less endowed the buttons were gaping. Actually, along the entire button line it was gaping. The dress is mostly cheapo spandex so I expected it to give a little, but I looked like a khaki sausage wearing it. After trying it on I estimate that I would have been better served if I had ordered 3 SIZES LARGER than what I normally wear.

Why is the sizing so off on this dress that I would need to order 3 sizes larger than what I really am, just to get it to fit?

Not to mention that the fabric was very thin–I know that for a $40 dress you can’t expect TOO much, but I really thought it would be a bit less see-through, you know? The stitching was also a little bit loose and overall the dress felt cheap and low-quality.  I suppose if I were to lose another 20 lbs I might be able to wear this without inflicting pain on everyone who sees me.

I’m very disappointed.

Plus Size Stretch Leggings ($24.80 CAD)

I have a pair of leggings from Torrid that I love, so I thought I’d get another pair to wear with my skirts & dresses in the colder weather.

These… are ok. They’re basically thick tights with a seam and no feet. I was a little worried that they wouldn’t fit since they’re one size fits all, but I managed to get them on. They feel ok but I think I prefer my cotton-blend full leggings from Torrid more. These ones are a little too close to being tights for me to truly love them, but I think I will be able to use them.

Not a total loss, but I wish the site description was better.

Anastasia Interchangeable Wrap Dress ($80.61 CAD)

I have mixed feelings about this dress. I had originally wanted the Monif C Marilyn dress, but at over $200 I thought it was a little excessive for some shapeless jersey material. This SWAK dress seemed like a good alternative.

This is probably the best thing out of my whole order. I love the feeling of the fabric, it hangs well and doesn’t look too cheap (I was worried about that!) and I think with some practice I will be able to wrap it really well.

The drawbacks I encountered with this garment was the inferior workmanship. I found the skirt piece was cut irregularly, with a giant piece of uncut fabric actually hanging off the hem! I couldn’t believe it! I cut it off myself before I thought to take a photo. I was not impressed. I haven’t made sewing or cutting mistakes like that on my garments since I was a kid!

I also noticed that the stitching around the circle skirt and the straps was rather poorly done. I would have reinforced the stitching much more than what they had done. Already I have heard some threads tear as I lifted it over my head so I’ll have to be careful with it moving forward. At least I could probably sew it back together if it falls apart?

I’m debating whether I could make this for myself cheaper. I think I may take a gander at the costs of making one myself–if it’s cheaper then I’ll make some for me and my friends, but if it’s not cheaper then this is the one piece I think I might actually purchase again in different colours.

A Belt

I also purchased a stretch belt with some cute buckles in front. It’s no longer on the site so I can’t post a photo of it, but it was a BIG FAT FAIL.

The belt came as a one size fits all… but only if you’re “regular” size! I’m a 2x and I could hardly get the thing done up under my breasts (which is the smallest part of my abdomen) even with the stretchy material. I am so frustrated by this–I literally cannot wear it because it’s so tight it hurts. This is another example of SWAK’s wonky sizing. If you’re selling a plus-size belt, it should be able to fit larger than a 1x person, especially if it’s touted as one size fits all.

Overall Impressions

Shop at your own risk. Expect low-quality items and be wary of the cuts and styles you purchase. However, if you go in aware of these issues, you may be able to find some good deals if you don’t mind the quality too much!

Personally I would be willing to try them again if they had an awesome sale and introduced some better-quality pieces.

PHEW.

As of yesterday, my roommate is totally paid up in terms of rent.

I feel SO MUCH BETTER.

It’s just a band-aid solution right now since she still doesn’t have a decent job to pay the bills, but we discussed the possibility of her moving out in the future because she is consistently living beyond her means. Thankfully she sees where I’m coming from and that I’m not trying to be mean–only realistic.

I know she’s working really hard to try and find a better job, but I still have that lingering bit of doubt.

I mean, I wouldn’t hire her based on her resume. She can’t seem to hold down a job for longer than a few months, and tends to pick short term contract stuff over anything stable. We all know that dozens of short jobs is not good for your resume!

Both myself and her employers need someone dependable and stable, and I don’t know if she can offer that to either of us. I think that’s where the problem lies. For now I’ve got some breathing room, but I kind of wish she would just give me notice and move out so I can find a proper roommate to replace her.

You know what just occured to me?

The Flaunt dress by Kiyonna that I posted about below… now that I’m looking at it in a different frame of mind I realized that with this dress I will, in fact, look just like my avatar!

Isn’t that wild?

Check it out:

It was a totally unintentional purchase, I swear!

Here’s a close-up:

Any of the bloggers I have met have said that I do resemble my avatar. I regularly rock the pearls & red lips, and my hair really is that shade of blonde. With the blue form-fitting dress, my look is complete!

Wouldn’t it be funny if I recreated that avatar scene above in real life? I am seriously contemplating it! I am doing some modeling again and have a photo shoot next week. Maybe if I can get the stylist to do a vintage look for my hair and I can find a handsome man I can do this!

Well, despite my current money woes I went ahead and purchased myself a new dress:

So why did I get this lovely garment when I should be saving money as a precaution??

Well I’ll tell you. I got it for a song!

It all started with Asian Pear. She had a $50 gift certificate she couldn’t use, so she gave it to me. I started looking at the dresses on Kiyonna and settled on the Flaunt dress (pictured above). It came recommended from some plus-size fashion blogs I read, and it looked like a good cut anyway. (If you’re interested in Kiyonna’s clothing, please consider clicking through the banner ad on my site. I get a small kickback for each sale made. Thanks!)

I hemmed and hawed and finally decided to get it. First I wanted it in black to be my LBD, but then when I found an LBD at the clothing swap I changed my mind. When I went on today I was ready to get it in a sexy red–but they were sold out! Noooo!!!

Luckily I also kind of liked it in the blue (it will probably look great on me since I’m blonde… every shade of blue goes with me!) so I decided to get it anyway.

Here’s the fun frugal part: it was only $38 Canadian!!!

With the help of Pear’s gift certificate, a free shipping promotion and a 20% off code I got for joining Kiyonna’s Facebook page I saved 66% off of the original price!

I’m pretty proud of myself.

There will be a small additional cost for shipping–I had it sent to my aunt in the US to get the free shipping, then she is going to mail it to me as a “gift” but it shouldn’t be more than $10 to get it here. And I’m ok with that!

Yay! I can’t wait for my new dress!

I think I might have to kick my roommate out.

She hasn’t paid for February rent yet and it’s almost March. How is she going to come up with 2 rent payments for the end of the week if she can’t even make one?

I am just so tired of this. I can’t even call her to ask her to come home to talk because her phone has been cut off. So I’m sitting here waiting for her to come home (if she does at all) when I’d rather be in bed.

I know that she’s having trouble finding a job and making money, and that she’s working on it. But seriously, every couple of months there is some kind of financial issue with her. She owes ME money for our internet bill, too. Am I just supposed to eat that?

If I ask her to move out though, I am afraid she’ll piss off and leave me with the other half of Feb & Mar rent to make up, and that would be a few thousand dollars! I can’t afford that! I called my dad because I was so frustrated about this. He said he would lend me the cash if it came to that… but I really hate borrowing money.

“Never a borrower nor a lender be”

That’s one of our family sayings, and we believe in it deeply. Lately I’ve been finding myself as a lender to friends…

It’s like I’m the Bank of Ginger!

Don’t have any cash but still want to go out? Ask G to spot you a few bucks. Get her to pay your cover and tip the waitress while you’re at it!

I love my friends but this bothers me sometimes. I am the only one that has a solid grip on her finances and they know it, so they feel like it’s ok to ask me for money.

It’s not ok! I make the same or less amount of money than them! Just because I handle my finances better doesn’t mean I can pass out free money! Ugh. I offer to help them get themselves on the right track but I don’t know if it will ever work.

I am just pissed about money lately. I’m still making the same amount I started with over 2 years ago at this job. Fucking economy. Now I’m worried that my roommate is going to default on everything and I’ll be stuck holding the bill.

I don’t understand why she hasn’t moved out before this??? She can’t even feed herself regularly! Wouldn’t you take that as a sign that you’re living beyond your means?

Gah. Don’t tell me I should get my own place because I can’t. I just can’t afford it AND a decent life at the same time, otherwise I would be out of here like a bat out of hell.

Sometimes I hate being the most responsible one. It seems like everyone else is off having a great time while I worry about things and pick up the slack.